IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent decades, there has been considerable debate about an increasing number of
parents
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 deciding to have their first
child
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 at an older
age
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. The
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 are people like to wait until ensuring that they are successful in terms of career
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 have more financial stability to support their children.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 can be considered both
curse
Correct article usage
a curse
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 and
blessing
Correct article usage
a blessing
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, it does
give
Verb problem
apply
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more harm to both
parents
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 and children. One of the significant reasons is Career focus.
This
Linking Words
 is because as soon as individuals give more time to focus on their work or themselves, their performance will be better.
For Example
Linking Words
, better performance can lead to an increased percentage
in
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of
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 climbing up the ladder or even being successful in their own business.
This
Linking Words
followed
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is followed
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 by Financial stability, to explain that if
parents
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 have more financial stability it means they will have more support for their
child
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.
This
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 is especially true in Thailand where middle-class to upper-middle class
parents
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 send their
child
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 to international school for them to have a better education system. There are several drawbacks
of
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to
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 having a
child
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 at an older
age
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. One of the disadvantages is that both children and
parents
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, especially mothers, will have higher health risks,
such
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 as recovery after giving birth and during pregnancy. Because of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 the percentage of worsened
child
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 skills and academic achievement can be rising from the risks. On top of that, from having a
child
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 at an older
age
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 there will be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
age
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 gap between
parents
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 and
child
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.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to an argument from not understanding each other becoming a
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsened
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 relationship and less time for family to spend together. The obvious conclusion to be drawn is that an increasing number of individuals decided to have their first
child
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 at an older
age
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. I am convinced that there will be disadvantages more than advantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having a first
child
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 at an older
age
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.
However
Linking Words
, people have to choose the most appropriate ways for themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. For instance, the first paragraph could clearly separate the reasons from the disadvantages.
task achievement
While your points are clear, try to include more detailed examples or case studies to support your claims, especially regarding financial stability and health risks. This can bolster your argument and help illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should more distinctly summarize the essay's main arguments. Restating the main points can help to reinforce your position and provide a clearer resolution to your discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument regarding the reasons for older parenthood and identifies both advantages and disadvantages, which reflects a balanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a logical progression of ideas, with reasons and drawbacks discussed in separate paragraphs, showcasing good effort in structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
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