IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that increasing the price of sugar is the best way to handle the crisis of obesity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that increasing the price of
sugar
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 is the most effective way to combat
obesity
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.
While
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 I acknowledge that
this
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 approach could help reduce
sugar
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 consumption, I believe it
also
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 poses several challenges that need careful consideration. On the one hand, raising
sugar
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 prices could contribute to lowering
obesity
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 rates. In recent years, advancements in
food
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 production and agriculture have made
sugar
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 widely available at low costs, leading to its excessive use in processed foods.
As a result
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, people across all age groups and income levels have easy access to high-
sugar
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 products, increasing their risk of
obesity
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. By making
sugar
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 more expensive, manufacturers may reduce its use in
food
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 production, and consumers might be encouraged to seek healthier alternatives, ultimately helping to address the
obesity
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 crisis.
On the other hand
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, increasing
sugar
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 prices may have unintended negative consequences, particularly for low-income groups.
Sugar
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 has long been a vital source of energy, and many affordable
food
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 products contain
sugar
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, making it accessible to economically disadvantaged individuals. A price hike could limit their ability to purchase essential foods, potentially leading to malnutrition or forcing them to turn to cheaper artificial sweeteners, which may have their own health risks.
Additionally
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, rather than reducing
sugar
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 intake, some people might continue consuming sugary products at the expense of other necessities, exacerbating financial struggles. In conclusion,
while
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 increasing
sugar
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 prices can play a role in reducing
obesity
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, it is not a standalone solution. Policymakers should
also
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 consider other measures,
such
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 as public health campaigns and stricter regulations on
food
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labeling
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labelling
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, to ensure a more comprehensive and balanced approach to tackling
obesity
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.

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task achievement
Elaborate further on some points, especially those regarding the negative consequences of increased sugar prices, to enhance argument depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and a strong connection to the thesis statement, which could further improve coherence.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frames your argument.
content
You present a balanced viewpoint by considering both the benefits and drawbacks of increasing sugar prices, which enriches your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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