IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to gibe longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views

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In recent years, the
crime
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ratio
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 has been increasing significantly, making it a widely argued topic and because of that, many people say that to reduce the number of crimes we should increase the prisoner period in
jail
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. Others ,
however
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, believe that there are many other options to decrease the violence
ratio
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and elaborate on why governments should find better solutions. First and foremost, being involved in a
crime
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 does not mean that you deserve a very long duration in
jail
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.
In other words
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, some people get arrested
due to
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 the possibility of some evidence rather than proven circumstances, and
this
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 makes it unfair for some prisoners to get extended periods in
jail
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.
Moreover
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, even if the criminal did what he is accused of, we should be more forgiving and merciful, if they showed a better attitude during the
jail
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 period.
This
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 way will help to establish a stronger community with good citizens.
Therefore
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, a longer prison sentence is not an effective solution for lowering the
crime
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ratio
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.
On the other hand
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, one viable solution is to educate prisoners about the long-term consequences of their behaviours not only their families will suffer from social anxiety, but their
sons
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 will
also
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 face many life challenges starting from a weak mentality to being more vulnerable to others sort of violence, because parents usually responsible for providing both physical and mental supports.
For instance
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, a study conducted by Jazan University claimed that prisoners' offspring students had lower physical strength and weaker mentality than other pupils.
Thus
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, when arrested people fully understand what their families and
sons
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 are vulnerable to, and they will develop better attitudes to preserve parents' and
sons
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' dignity. In conclusion,
while
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 a long period in
jail
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 would not help in reducing the
crime
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ratio
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, a better alternative is to provide information about what their actions would lead to
,
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apply
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 since many of them are not aware of what
sons
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 and parents will face.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the direction of the essay and the points to be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The use of an example from a study adds credibility to the argument presented.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
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