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Writing Samples
Band 7

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many experience. people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Most individuals are using social
media
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such
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 as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as a replacement for face-to-face interaction. Many individuals say that there are numerous drawbacks and disadvantages to using social
media
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,
while
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 others completely disagree. I strongly believe that the
use
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 of social
media
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 has more drawbacks compared to its benefits.
Firstly
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, excessive
use
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 of social
media
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 not only strains the eyes, causing eyesight issues, but it can
also
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 lead to various mental health problems
such
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 as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Moreover
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, face-to-face communication often builds deeper connections that online interactions lack.
Furthermore
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, a person's social
media
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 account often contains a lot of personal data,
such
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 as banking details, which can be easily obtained and hacked using modern online tools.
For instance
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, if a hacker gains access to a person's information, they could easily impersonate them, access their bank account, steal their money, or worse.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 is a very efficient way to contact people, especially those who live far away from each other. They can easily communicate through a simple text or call.
Moreover
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, many individuals can
use
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 social
media
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 in times of emergency. Social
media
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 allows a person to find help easily when no one is around them.
For example
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, if someone gets into an accident when no one is nearby to assist, they can
use
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 social
media
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 to contact their family and friends for help. In conclusion, even though social
media
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 has many advantages, the disadvantages often outweigh them
due to
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 security risks and mental health issues.

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task achievement
Expand on your points by providing additional examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments. For example, discuss more on how mental health issues arise specifically due to social media.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the arguments you will discuss in your essay. A stronger thesis statement would provide a clearer direction.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas for better flow. For instance, using connectors like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore' can enhance the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is commendable.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the implications of hackers gaining access to personal information and the use of social media in emergencies, which adds value to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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