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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play old traditional games. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences children in a good or bad way?

#children #computer #games #hours #influences
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In contemporary society, the prevalence of
computer
games
 has become a dominant form of entertainment for
children
, overshadowing traditional
games
 of the past.
This
 shift can be attributed to several factors, and
while
 there are both positive and negative influences on
children
, the
overall
 impact is nuanced. One major reason for the shift towards
computer
games
 is the rapid advancement of technology. In the digital age,
children
 are growing up surrounded by screens, making virtual experiences more appealing and accessible than ever before. The immersive graphics, dynamic storytelling, and interactive nature of
computer
games
 provide an engaging and stimulating environment that traditional
games
 may struggle to match.
Additionally
, the rise of online gaming has fostered a sense of social connection among
children
. Unlike traditional
games
 that often require physical presence,
computer
games
 enable
children
 to connect with peers globally, fostering friendships and collaborations in virtual spaces.
This
 interconnectedness contributes to the development of social skills and cultural awareness, creating a positive aspect of the gaming experience.
However
, concerns arise regarding the potential negative impacts of prolonged
computer
 game exposure. Critics argue that excessive screen time can lead to sedentary lifestyles, contributing to health issues
such
 as obesity.
Moreover
, the
often-violent
Correct your spelling
often violent
show examples
 content of some
games
 raises questions about its influence on
children
's behavior and desensitization to real-world violence. Striking a balance between gaming and physical activities becomes imperative to mitigate these potential drawbacks. In conclusion, the shift from traditional
games
 to
computer
games
 among
children
 can be attributed to technological advancements and the allure of immersive virtual experiences.
While
 there are undeniable concerns about the impact of prolonged screen time, the social connectivity and cognitive benefits provided by
computer
games
 suggest a more nuanced perspective. It is crucial for parents and educators to guide
children
 in finding a balanced approach to gaming, ensuring that it complements, rather than hinders, their
overall
 development.
Submitted by lana19 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, you could provide more specific examples of traditional games that are being eclipsed by computer games, or examples of popular computer games that attract children now.
task achievement
Consider exploring more diverse perspectives on how computer games can affect children in both positive and negative ways, perhaps by referencing studies or expert opinions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is very well-organized, but ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, perhaps by using more varied linking words.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, discussing both reasons for and effects of the shift from traditional to computer games.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context and the conclusion effectively summarizes your points, making your essay well-rounded.
task achievement
You effectively balance the discussion of positive and negative aspects of computer games, which adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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