Nowadays,a growing number of peoples with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

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In recent years, there has been a new trend by many individuals toward taking
treatments
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from
alternative
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medicines
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rather than visiting hospitals and doctors.
This
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essay is written to firmly stay with that it is not healthy for society to get
treatments
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through
alternative
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medicines
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and we should stick to visiting physicians because of the accurate diagnosis and appropriate
treatment
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plans. First and foremost, one of the biggest cons of
alternative
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medicines
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is the reliance on symptoms without taking
further
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investigations
such
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as x-rays and laboratory measurements,
while
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hospitals heavily emphasise the need for full investigations before delivering any sort of interventions.
Moreover
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, wrong diagnosis means wrong
treatment
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, so the possibility of the exacerbation of the illnesses is highly possible with
alternative
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medicines
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.
For example
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, a study published by King Fahad Hospital claimed that people who use traditional old
treatments
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are at high risk of getting chronic diseases like Hypertension and Diabetes Mellitus.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for all individuals to visit doctors to get the correct
treatment
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.
Secondly
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, another downside of
alternative
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medicines
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is the lack of a professional career and extensive training, since pupils at medical colleges undergo about 5 to 7 years to study the symptoms of any disease and compare them to other illnesses.
In other words
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, supervised training from senior professors is more relevant to developing accurate diagnosis and proper
treatment
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.
Thus
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, we should not let the effort of medical students and all of the government budget
that is
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used to develop a healthy community go in vain. In conclusion,
while
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alternative
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medicine
treatments
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are mostly inappropriate the need to avoid them is highly recommended, since doctors and medical students
along with
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the government trying their best to provide a healthy society.

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task achievement
The introduction presents a clear thesis statement, but it could be more nuanced by acknowledging some positives of alternative medicine before reiterating the negatives. This will strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to smooth the transition between ideas and paragraphs for better flow. For instance, using connecting words or phrases can enhance coherence.
task achievement
When discussing statistics or studies, try to include more detailed examples or data to support your argument further and create a more convincing case.
task achievement
You have a strong personal opinion clearly stated in the introduction, which provides a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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