One of the prime times for advertising on tv is when children get back from school. Some people think that advertainments aimed at children should not be allowed. What is your opinion?

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Some people believe that

advertisements

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aimed at

children

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should be banned, especially during prime time when

children

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are most likely to watch TV. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint, as I believe

such

Linking Words

advertising can negatively influence

children

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’s

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and place undue pressure on families.

To begin

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with,

advertisements

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targeted at

children

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can foster unhealthy consumer habits. Young

children

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are highly impressionable and lack the critical thinking skills to understand the persuasive intent behind advertising.

As a result

Linking Words

, they are easily influenced to desire products they see, especially toys, snacks, or games.

This

Linking Words

not only encourages materialism but

also

Linking Words

leads to constant demands on parents, which can create financial strain, particularly for low-income families.

Moreover

Linking Words

, advertising often exploits emotional appeal to manipulate young viewers. Research shows that exposure to fast food and sugary snack

advertisements

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significantly increases

children

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's likelihood of consuming unhealthy products. In the long term,

this

Linking Words

can contribute to poor dietary habits and related health problems

such

Linking Words

as obesity. Given these risks, protecting

children

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from manipulative marketing is essential for their well-being.

While

Linking Words

some argue that advertising can offer

children

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more choices and expose them to new ideas, I believe these benefits do not outweigh the harm caused. Entertainment and educational content can be provided without the commercial pressure that

advertisements

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impose. In conclusion, I believe that restricting or banning

advertisements

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aimed at

children

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is a necessary step to protect their development, health, and emotional well-being. Governments should introduce and enforce regulations to ensure that commercial interests do not exploit the vulnerability of young minds.

yalda.nazari48Fri Apr 04 2025

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Task Response

Consider providing a counterargument to strengthen your position. Acknowledging the opposing view can enhance your argument and show depth in your reasoning.

Task Response

While your essay is well-organized, ensure that your main points are supported by specific examples to reinforce your ideas further.

Coherence and Cohesion

For better coherence, vary your linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas.

Positive Highlight

Your introduction clearly states your opinion, and your arguments are logically structured and easy to follow, which enhances clarity.

Positive Highlight

The use of relevant points regarding health and consumer behavior showcases a solid understanding of the topic and effectively supports your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

257 words

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One of the prime times for advertising on tv is when children get back from school. Some people think that advertainments aimed at children should not be allowed. What is your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that universities should only offer places to students with high marks, while others believe that people of all ages should be allowed even if they don’t do well in school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some believe that technology, such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people’s nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.