Some people spend hours every day on their smart phones

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this

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contemporary world , young generations are glued to their mobile phones , spending the majority of their time each day. It has both benefits

as well as

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drawbacks.

This

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essay will discuss why

this

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might be the cause and how

this

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problem can be alleviated . On the one hand , the bright side of using the gadget helps kids to explore the world

within

Change preposition

with

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fingertips

Correct pronoun usage

their fingertips

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. Smartphones help to gain subject knowledge

as well as

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general which helps them to be active in things happening around them .

Furthermore

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, the usage of tech devices helps to build apps through coding . To cite a good example , Rahul 6 years 6-year-old kid from India designed an app and became a CEO at the age of 9 making millions of dollars in turnover at a young age .It can be used for entertainment for playing games

as well as

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reading books .

On the other hand

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, excessive use of tech phones has a significant effect on their mental and physical health .

In addition

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to that it gives headaches and kills the creativity to think .

For example

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, as we can see young kids have sight ( glasses) at an early age

due to

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blue light from screens .

Moreover

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, pupils

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

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Correct pronoun usage

all on

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Change preposition

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their homes all day have problems with physical growth and

as a

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result

Add a comma

result,

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they face obesity.

To sum up

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, there are pros and cons to using smart devices . They can explore the world and learn new things through it .

However

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,it spoils the mental and physical growth of excessive usage .

nikhilguniWed Apr 17 2024

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Logical Structure

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay shows good structure, but sometimes the transition between ideas can be smoother.

Introduction & Conclusion

Including an introduction and a conclusion strengthens your essay's clarity. Well done for incorporating both effectively.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with examples or explanations. You've done this well, especially with the story about Rahul. Try to evenly balance the support for both sides of the argument.

Complete Response

Address all parts of the task. You've managed to cover the positives and negatives of smartphone usage effectively.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Make sure your ideas are clear and easy to understand. Your essay demonstrates a good level of clarity, but watch out for the occasional unfocused sentence or unclear expression.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Using specific examples, like the Rahul anecdote, strengthens your argument. Ensure all your examples are relevant and add value to your point.

Structure

Effective use of a structured format, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Example

The anecdote about Rahul is a strong, specific example that illustrates your point well.

Balance

Balanced discussion of both benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Some people spend hours every day on their smart phones

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young children. Moregovernment money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The noise level around us is constantly increasing and affecting the quality of our lives. What are the causes? What should be done about it?

Banks should receive billions of dollars in assistance from their governments during a financial crisis that was in large part their fault. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons