Some people spend hours every day on their smart phones
In
this
contemporary world , young generations are glued to their mobile phones , spending the majority of their time each day. It has both benefits as well as
drawbacks. This
essay will discuss why this
might be the cause and how this
problem can be alleviated .
On the one hand , the bright side of using the gadget helps kids to explore the world within
Change preposition
with
fingertips
. Smartphones help to gain subject knowledge Correct pronoun usage
their fingertips
as well as
general which helps them to be active in things happening around them .Furthermore
, the usage of tech devices helps to build apps through coding . To cite a good example , Rahul 6 years 6-year-old kid from India designed an app and became a CEO at the age of 9 making millions of dollars in turnover at a young age .It can be used for entertainment for playing games as well as
reading books .
On the other hand
, excessive use of tech phones has a significant effect on their mental and physical health .In addition
to that it gives headaches and kills the creativity to think . For example
, as we can see young kids have sight ( glasses) at an early age due to
blue light from screens . Moreover
, pupils spending
Wrong verb form
spend
Correct pronoun usage
all on
on
their homes all day have problems with physical growth and Change preposition
in
as a
result
they face obesity.
Add a comma
result,
To sum up
, there are pros and cons to using smart devices . They can explore the world and learn new things through it .However
,it spoils the mental and physical growth of excessive usage .Submitted by nikhilguni on
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Logical Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay shows good structure, but sometimes the transition between ideas can be smoother.
Introduction & Conclusion
Including an introduction and a conclusion strengthens your essay's clarity. Well done for incorporating both effectively.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with examples or explanations. You've done this well, especially with the story about Rahul. Try to evenly balance the support for both sides of the argument.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task. You've managed to cover the positives and negatives of smartphone usage effectively.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Make sure your ideas are clear and easy to understand. Your essay demonstrates a good level of clarity, but watch out for the occasional unfocused sentence or unclear expression.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Using specific examples, like the Rahul anecdote, strengthens your argument. Ensure all your examples are relevant and add value to your point.
Structure
Effective use of a structured format, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Example
The anecdote about Rahul is a strong, specific example that illustrates your point well.
Balance
Balanced discussion of both benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use.