Some people spend hours every day on their smart phones

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this

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contemporary world , young generations are glued to their mobile phones , spending the majority of their time each day. It has both benefits

as well as

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drawbacks.

This

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essay will discuss why

this

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might be the cause and how

this

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problem can be alleviated . On the one hand , the bright side of using the gadget helps kids to explore the world

within

Change preposition

with

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fingertips

Correct pronoun usage

their fingertips

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. Smartphones help to gain subject knowledge

as well as

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general which helps them to be active in things happening around them .

Furthermore

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, the usage of tech devices helps to build apps through coding . To cite a good example , Rahul 6 years 6-year-old kid from India designed an app and became a CEO at the age of 9 making millions of dollars in turnover at a young age .It can be used for entertainment for playing games

as well as

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reading books .

On the other hand

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, excessive use of tech phones has a significant effect on their mental and physical health .

In addition

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to that it gives headaches and kills the creativity to think .

For example

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, as we can see young kids have sight ( glasses) at an early age

due to

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blue light from screens .

Moreover

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, pupils

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

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Correct pronoun usage

all on

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Change preposition

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their homes all day have problems with physical growth and

as a

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result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

they face obesity.

To sum up

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, there are pros and cons to using smart devices . They can explore the world and learn new things through it .

However

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,it spoils the mental and physical growth of excessive usage .

Submitted by nikhilguni on Wed Apr 17 2024

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Logical Structure

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay shows good structure, but sometimes the transition between ideas can be smoother.

Introduction & Conclusion

Including an introduction and a conclusion strengthens your essay's clarity. Well done for incorporating both effectively.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with examples or explanations. You've done this well, especially with the story about Rahul. Try to evenly balance the support for both sides of the argument.

Complete Response

Address all parts of the task. You've managed to cover the positives and negatives of smartphone usage effectively.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Make sure your ideas are clear and easy to understand. Your essay demonstrates a good level of clarity, but watch out for the occasional unfocused sentence or unclear expression.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Using specific examples, like the Rahul anecdote, strengthens your argument. Ensure all your examples are relevant and add value to your point.

Structure

Effective use of a structured format, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Example

The anecdote about Rahul is a strong, specific example that illustrates your point well.

Balance

Balanced discussion of both benefits and drawbacks of smartphone use.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Some people spend hours every day on their smart phones

Some people believe that charities should help people in need no matter where those people are in the world,Others feel that these organizations should only serve the people living in the country where they are based Discuss both sides and give your own view.

internet users as percentage of population in 3 countries from 1999 to 2009

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Students should have physical activity as a compulsory subject at school on a regular basis. Why is it beneficial for students to participate in physical activity? Which sports do you think are the safest physical activity?