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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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In certain areas,
children
 are typically taught by their
parents
 that they are able to achieve anything they want if they give sufficient effort.
This
 kind of education might be beneficial for the kids, but there are some drawbacks that
parents
 should consider if they want to use
this
 type of parenting. Nurtured by encouraging the offspring that every dream can be achieved fosters their innate confidence. Obviously, it is advantageous because the offspring would feel supported,
thus
 they could maximize their potential and efforts. In their adolescent age,
children
 have a tendency to be insecure.
Consequently
,
children
 would be afraid of presenting in public.
Hence
,
children
 would avoid any particular activities that require confidence,
such
 as debating, performing on stage, or speaking in public. Even though
this
 parenting has some positive impacts, there are several detrimental effects on it. If the
parents
 never tell how challenging the reality is as they grow older, they might not be able to face it and it might be hard for them to adapt in various settings.
Furthermore
, it is nearly impossible to achieve anything. As we know there are so many factors related to success and
children
 have to be aware of that. At their juvenile age,
children
 are still clueless about how the real world happens. It would lead to extreme disappointment if the
children
 tried their best, but in the end, they would still meet failure.
This
 condition could damage their mental health and
also
 could cause severe stress or depression. In conclusion, educating the
children
 that they can achieve anything as long as they have full effort needs to be reconsidered. Clearly,
parents
 should boost
children
’s confidence by saying that their dreams are possible to be achieved.
However
,
parents
 have to tell them the possibility of failure they could face and how the reality works.
Submitted by shafatriviaa on

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Task Response
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic along with a brief preview of your main points. In your main body paragraphs, each idea should be fully developed with examples or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
You should concentrate on structuring your paragraphs with clear and distinct main ideas. Each paragraph needs a clear main sentence, followed by supporting details that are logically organized. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth and purposeful.
Task Response
While you have provided general examples to support your ideas, try to include more specific and relevant examples that truly demonstrate the points you are trying to make.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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