Nowadays,a growing number of peoples with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

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That's right, there are many
people
Use synonyms
in the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
, when they have a health problem,
instead
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of going to the doctor,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
choose
treatment
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with various individual ideas.
Thus
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,
beleiving
Correct your spelling
believing
in past myths,
people
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think that they will be cured with natural remedies, that they will be able to solve all their issues, that they will return to their previous health,
that
Correct word choice
and that
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eventually
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
will be even more gorgeous.
This
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problem is relevant all over the world.
People
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harm themselves by thinking that they will not have to pay a lot of money for doctors and medicines, or that they will not receive proper
treatment
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. Every pain has a cause, and every cause has a cure.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is not right to do anything without a
dostor's
Correct your spelling
doctor's
treatment
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and examination.
According to
Linking Words
scientific research, 78
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
people
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choose to self-medicate with myths they believe. I think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
science has developed to the point where a cure can be found for every disease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine. Even, the
probablity
Correct your spelling
probability
of detecting a problem without an examination is zero. Everything should consult a doctor when necessary, and if they have a serious illness, they should
receieve
Correct your spelling
receive
treatment
Use synonyms
under a doctor's supervision. In today's time, treating some
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
with myths is not a wise move.

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language improvement
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'beleiving' should be 'believing' and 'probablity' should be 'probability'.
structure
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more clearly and showing the implications of your argument.
content enhancement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention a specific alternative treatment and explain its potential risks compared to conventional methods.
topic relevance
Your essay addresses a relevant and significant topic regarding health choices, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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