IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In our modern era, people are forced to use social networks to contact their families and friends.
However
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, the
media
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 is a double-edged sword, and we should be careful when using it to avoid hacking,
blackmailing
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blackmail
show examples
, and inappropriate content. On the one hand, social
media
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 has been a revolutionary tool that has made our lives much easier than before.
This
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 is because when a person travels or moves to another city, they can still keep in touch with their families and friends without having to worry about affecting their social ties.
For example
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, a Pew Research study found that most users believe social
media
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 makes it easier to stay connected with friends and family, especially across distances.
Moreover
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, social networks can be used at work, and they have made jobs more professional by being able to receive emails and attend online meetings.
On the other hand
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, using online networks incorrectly will produce significant problems that may affect our lives profoundly.
This
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 is because the internet is a large and complex network that can contain many kinds of illegal or inappropriate content,
such
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 as violent videos or sexual content.
Furthermore
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, there are many hackers on these platforms who violate users’ privacy and
then
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 blackmail them.
For instance
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, a recent study found that social
media
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 platforms have increased privacy breaches and online blackmail cases
due to
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 data leaks and unauthorised access to personal information. In conclusion, online platforms have both negative and positive aspects, whether by making our lives easier by connecting us with each other or by exposing us to dangerous situations and threats.
Nevertheless
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, I personally believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how the positive aspects specifically impact daily life, perhaps with more personal anecdotes or specific examples. This can enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to reinforce the main idea being discussed, which can improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You successfully present a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. This is a strong aspect of your task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing your views and providing a strong overall structure to your argument. This enhances coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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