IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments should be responsible for funding and controlling scientific research rather than private organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world,
governments
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 have a budget for scientific
research
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 to improve their technological infrastructures. In
this
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 way,
governments
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 can control the funds to prioritize
according to
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 necessary issues. I agree with
this
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 idea because the government could direct the tech funds more sufficiently than private institutions and they could focus on necessary issues more.
To begin
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 with, generally,
governments
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 have limited budgets for scientific
research
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. So, they should be responsible for spending their money on required fields.
On the other hand
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, the private sector would focus on only their problems to solve with technology thanks to scientific developments.
Overall
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, society could not take advantage of it enough. If
governments
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 are responsible for funding scientific
research
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, it will give rise to a more comprehensive society in terms of reaching the outputs.
Moreover
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,
governments
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 tend to use their sources
such
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 as universities and institutions so that people, who work or study there, have an opportunity more with the funds.
This
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 policy occurs in a cycle
that is
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 a mutual relationship between
governments
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, students, and scholars developing scientific breakthroughs in the long term.
In addition
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,
governments
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 could obtain the all results of
research
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 to use the following.
However
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, private organizations are reluctant to share information about their
research
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 because of competition in the market.
Governments
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 could gather all
research
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 all around the country so, they could easily exceed problems.
To conclude
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, the government should be responsible for funding scientific
research
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 to focus on the needs of nations and conduct them more sufficiently. Yet, private companies have some traits to halt sharing their know-how with others.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your claims, especially regarding how government funding leads to better outcomes in scientific research compared to private funding.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clarify your points when mentioning the relationship between governments, institutions, and individuals involved in research, as it is somewhat vague.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue regarding government funding of scientific research.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good practice.
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