IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Big companies should provide social and sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is generally believed that corporations not
merely
Rephrase
only
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 contribute to society through taxes they pay but
also
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 develop public
facilities
Use synonyms
such
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 as sports fields and community services. I firmly agree with
this
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 opinion
due
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to
Change preposition
for
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 a vast range of reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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some of these motives will be addressed in
this
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 essay. One of the most compelling reasons why providing amenities for local people should be a concern for big companies is that they play a vital role in companies’ credibility. Engaging in local community activities strengthens their reputation in public and enhances companies’ profit.
For instance
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, one of the renowned factories, PT Sampoerna, built clean water and sanitation
facilities
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 for rural villages and established an educational foundation as a part of community services.
As a result
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, they easily expand branch factories in several locations without hardly being accepted by surrounding households since they believe they will be responsible
as well as
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 bring well-being to them.
Furthermore
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, when massive corporations build
facilities
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 for the public, they can help governments to decrease unemployment rates
for
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in
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 countries. Public
facilities
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 like libraries, sports arenas, or parks offer job opportunities to take care of these places. In fact, a survey has shown that the development of public amenities by private absorbed 52% of the workforce around it, which directly contributes to societies’ welfare.
This
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 demonstrates that the involvement of big companies in providing essential
facilities
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 for
surroundings
Correct article usage
the surroundings
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 is beneficial for all parties. In conclusion,
while
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 various ways contribute to companies’ success, providing public
facilities
Use synonyms
 for local communities should remain a primary plan, as they foster credibility, profits, and support for communities’ well-being.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly communicates one main idea, with adequate development and explanation of that idea.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear stance on the topic and outlines the reasons for this position effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument.
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