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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?

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In some nations, people are more like to drive a car to shop in the supermarkets on the outskirts.
While
this
 trend could cause an increasing use of automobiles, I personally believe that its benefits outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, we have to admit that the rapid growth in demand for cars possibly affects people's lives negatively. The primary reason is that excessive automobiles on the streets probably lead to traffic congestion during rush hours, which means it will cause a waste of residents' time and resources and bring additional inconvenience.
Secondly
, increasing the use of cars will jeopardize the social environment and raise the demand for petroleum resources.
In other words
, exhaust gas emissions and usage of petrol might cause a wide range of environmental problems.
Therefore
,
this
 tendency could influence both people's personal lives and environmental resources. Regardless of the arguments mentioned above, I consider that driving to
stores
 in the outskirts can be considerably beneficial to both society and human beings.
Firstly
, it is conducive to the development of the suburbs, which means increasing customs in the rural districts can boost the comprehensive economic prosperity of the cities.
For example
, there will be more basic facilities and businesses in the rural areas and
thus
 promote the municipal incomes.
Secondly
, moving the
stores
 to the periphery districts will reduce the housing costs of their business and
also
 make more profits from their products. Customers in these
stores
 are able to buy many profitable products.
Thirdly
, governments are
also
 encouraged to build more public transport stations, which will be helpful to the cities' development. In conclusion, I completely agree that moving
stores
 to the outskirts has more benefits than drawbacks.
Submitted by 609553855 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing the topic, but the depth of your argument is somewhat limited. To improve your Task Achievement score, try to fully develop your ideas, providing clearer and more explicit explanations for your arguments. Incorporating relevant, detailed examples would significantly enhance the effectiveness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have structured your essay and included an introduction and conclusion, these could be enhanced for greater clarity and impact. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the scope of your discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your position. The logical flow between ideas is present but can be refined. A more explicit connection between paragraphs through the use of cohesive devices and varied sentence structures would improve the readability and flow of your work.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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