Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When it comes to competition and comparison between individuals, some people find it necessary to improve themselves,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
believe that it might be just a waste of time and we should
instead
Linking Words
learn how to cooperate efficiently to overcome difficult tasks more easily. In
this
Linking Words
essay, both views are covered and I will
also
Linking Words
mention why I consider competitive
work
Use synonyms
not so beneficial to the human race.
To begin
Linking Words
with, the first group might consider
this
Linking Words
method to be useful because it would put individuals in a race for better achievements by giving them no other options but to compare themselves with their teammates or classmates, resulting in greater self-growth.
However
Linking Words
, they do not include all types of personalities. In detail, some people are overwhelmed when placed in
such
Linking Words
atmospheres and they will become discouraged if they feel that they can not follow up with
others
Use synonyms
in the group.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a student is compared to
others
Use synonyms
just by his/her scores, he/she might get disappointed when compared to students with higher numbers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, competitive
work
Use synonyms
or study is often just a waste of time, as it has no benefit for the person utilizing it.
For example
Linking Words
, in some cases, an individual might lose potential opportunities in the hectic pace of following
others
Use synonyms
' goals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in cooperative
work
Use synonyms
, people have the chance to be helped by
others
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of racing each other.
In addition
Linking Words
, it has
also
Linking Words
been proven that groups who
work
Use synonyms
together are often more successful than the ones trying to argue about who is the best
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can split up the tasks and get along much easier.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the ratio of disadvantages of competition and plus points of cooperation makes me believe that it would be much more operational if individuals
know
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
how to deal with teamwork
instead
Linking Words
of trying to be better than everyone as an individual unit.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay presents both views well, ensure that all points are supported with more specific examples. For instance, elaborating on how cooperation leads to success could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay’s direction, but you can improve coherence by using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas. This will enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, try to summarize your main arguments more explicitly to make your opinion clearer and reinforce your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You successfully articulate both sides of the argument and provide a clear opinion in your conclusion, which demonstrates good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: