IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

For more and more people, wearing fashionable clothes has become very important. Is this attitude to wearing fashionable clothes a positive or a negative development?

#people #clothes #attitude #development
People from all walks of life are becoming dedicated followers of
fashion
, constantly trying to keep up-to-date with the latest
fashion
 trends. There are both benefits and drawbacks to
this
;
however
, I personally feel that it borders on being more harmful than beneficial. Increased interest in
fashion
 has resulted in fashionable clothing being more affordable for the masses. Previously, owning
such
 items meant buying overpriced designer
clothes
 and,
therefore
, it was only accessible to the wealthy and the privileged. In the
last
 few decades,
however
, high-street chains have been producing trendy
clothes
 at affordable prices to meet the greater demand of the general public.
As a result
,
fashion
 is no longer a reserve for the rich, but is now accessible to all. which is a positive step forward in
this
 regard.
On the other hand
, though,
this
 desire to be stylish has greater negative consequences.
Firstly
, it has made
clothes
 more disposable, as outfits are produced cheaply, worn on a couple of occasions and
subsequently
 discarded.
This
 causes a large amount of waste and exacerbates the problem of pollution.
In addition
 to
this
, there is a great deal of pressure, particularly on the younger generation, to keep up with their peers.
For instance
, if a student is wearing the latest Nike trainers, and
consequently
, everyone in the class feels pressured into having the same or equally trendy footwear. In conclusion,
this
 obsession with wearing the latest
fashion
 trends has made
clothes
 thrown away and not reusable.
Moreover
,
this
 incessant need to have the latest must-have items puts far too much pressure on the environment and adolescents, so it cannot be regarded as progress.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider further developing each argument with more extensive examples and analysis. For example, discuss specific environmental impacts or psychological effects on individuals.
task achievement
Improve the conclusion by summarizing both the benefits and drawbacks before stating your final opinion to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Develop your points uniformly; some points, like societal pressures, are well discussed, while others, like affordability, could be expanded further.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and concise introduction which sets the stage for your arguments.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of affordable high-street fashion and pressure among students.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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