IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games waste their time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of computer games? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #skills #computer #games #waste #time
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There is no denying the fact that video
games
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 have become popular lately.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that by playing video
games
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 young
people
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 will earn useful skills, there is
also
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 an argument that consider playing these
games
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 is a waste of time for young
people
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view, including the reasons and relevant examples from my experience.
To begin
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 with, electronic and computer
games
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' types are various
such
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 as shooting, open-world, adventure and solving puzzles
games
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should judge each category separately.
In other words
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, some
games
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 are beneficial for young
people
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 and by playing them their skills will be developed.
For example
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, solving problems and budget management are some of the skills that you will learn by playing puzzle
games
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.
On the other hand
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, parental control is crucial to be implemented in order to avoid the adverse side of these
games
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that youngsters
in general
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, in general,
show examples
 do not have self-control,
hence
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, they will spend long hours playing these
games
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, which will affect their performance in school.
For instance
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, spending a lot of time in these
games
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 will make them suffer from some health problems
such
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 as headaches which will affect their focus in their class. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, despite
people
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 having different points of view, I tend to believe that moderation is essential when it comes to video
games
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 in order to protect our new generation.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the coherence by ensuring that each main point is linked with a clear transition. Consider using more connectors.
task achievement
Expand on the examples to further illustrate your points. This will help you achieve clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that aligns closely with the prompt.
task achievement
You present a balanced view, examining both the advantages and disadvantages of video games.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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