IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While
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 some bodies think that
competition
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 is a beneficial thing to be better at work, school or in daily life, others believe that people should be together to improve. In my opinion, there are several beneficial sides to both views. So, being in a
competition
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 in some fields leads to being more passionate about personal goals.
Moreover
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, in some situations, there should be unity among the community for the purpose of solving problems.
To begin
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 with, competing is a positive thing when a person wants to be better in their work or academic career
as well as
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 understands that
this
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competition
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 should be in ethical frames and must benefit others as well. It may have Effects on individuals
as well as
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 the population as a whole in a positive way if it does not involve any hostility. From ancient times, there have been a lot of cases in which
competition
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 between persons or companies resulted in very productive conclusions for humanity.
For example
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, there was a big
competition
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 between two genius scientists Thomas Edison and Nicola Tesla who made many contributions to the science of physics, especially with inventions related to electricity.
Furthermore
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, cooperation is another key factor to success, overcoming difficulties or making a profit. Bringing many brains together is almost always more profitable rather than leaning on one person's ideas and in today's world, that belief is used commonly in different aspects of life.
For instance
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, companies create groups to solve issues in their business and pay a lot of money in that sector to take advantage of collective problem-solving. In conclusion, there are certain positive effects of both being in
competition
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 and cooperating. Sometimes competing may contribute to civilization.
In addition
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, for the aim of overcoming issues, it can be advantageous to create unity.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main argument and flows logically. Use linking words to improve clarity.
task response
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your opinion and the points you will discuss. This helps the reader understand your essay better.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples that directly relate to your main points. This can strengthen your arguments.
task response
You have a good understanding of both views about competition and cooperation.
task response
Your examples of competition between Edison and Tesla are relevant and add depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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