The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people do operations to change the way they look? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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It is true that nowadays, the popularity of
surgeries
Use synonyms
for changing and improving
people
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's physical appearance is increasing steadily. In
this
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essay, I will explain one of the factors which might cause
this
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situation and go on to explain why I consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it
is
Wrong verb form
to be
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a negative phenomenon. The popularity of plastic surgery has developed significantly
as a result
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of fashion trends in modern society.
As a consequence
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of
widespread
Correct article usage
the widespread
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use of the internet, many
people
Use synonyms
are trying to follow Instagram bloggers or celebrities who advertise
such
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services as changing their body parts in order to become more attractive.
For example
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, many of those overcoming lip or chest surgery promote these services in order to receive more income from clinics that provide them.
As a result
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, subscribers who trust the perfect pictures from social platforms follow their behaviour.
Therefore
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, considerably more citizens, especially women, turn to
surgeries
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.
However
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, I take the view that
this
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development has a negative influence on
people
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's lives as today's standards of beauty are not accessible to everyone.
This
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is because high-quality
surgeries
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might cost an arm and a leg because of the high price of used materials, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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not accessible to all of those who are willing to change their appearance.
This
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might lead young women and girls to cheaper options, which are not durable and might distort them.
For instance
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, the recent research published by The Times broadsheet has reported that 70% of plastic
surgeries
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carried out by one
unexperienced
Correct your spelling
inexperienced
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doctor in the USA were unsuccessful and traumatised plenty of his patients.
Hence
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, if
people
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are trying to economise, it can cause many irreversible negative consequences. In conclusion, the increasing number of cosmetic
surgeries
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is rising nowadays
as a result
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of modern fashion trends, which is highly negative as not everyone can afford to spend a huge amount of money for
this
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purpose.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider adding a clear thesis statement which outlines your position more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are generally well-structured, but ensure each point is developed fully. For example, you could add more detailed discussion on the impact of social media on self-esteem.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to provide clearer connections between your ideas. Using transitional phrases could enhance the flow of your arguments.
content
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples, especially regarding the influence of social media on cosmetic surgery trends.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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