IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives.what are the reasons of this trend? How can this problem be overcome?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common viewpoint that these days
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are struggling to create a
balance
Use synonyms
 between
work
Use synonyms
 and other essential parts of their
life
Use synonyms
. There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 as
rise
Add an article
a rise
the rise
show examples
 in
competitivence
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peers and societal expectations.
However
Linking Words
, a sensible approach towards
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 can empower our
society
Use synonyms
 for betterment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and solutions for the pressing issue with a logical narration.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the grounds of
unbalanced
Add an article
the unbalanced
an unbalanced
show examples
 lifestyle of the
people
Use synonyms
 the group pressure does
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a crucial role.
This
Linking Words
 means,
competitivence
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
competitive
 in the working environment can drive an individual to an extreme situation, where they
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
 to
neglate
Correct your spelling
negate
negotiate
regulate
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 significant part of their
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many studies have reported
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in
co-operative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
show examples
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
 tend to miss their important
life
Use synonyms
 markings,
such
Linking Words
 as wedding
anniversary
Fix the agreement mistake
anniversaries
show examples
 and birthdays
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social norms
also
Linking Words
 have a significant role in individuals decisions making. The high standards set by the community for adults are often overlooked. To illustrate, after studies
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 frequently
encouter
Correct your spelling
encounter
 questions related to
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, salary,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and marriage from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the pressure to live
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 these standards
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very high. Considering these, individuals prioritise their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 before other parts of their lives, voluntarily or
otherwise
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are plenty of ways to guide the trend in a positive way. Namely, offering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness about the significance of
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age and promoting new regulations to ensure
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of employees.
For instance
Linking Words
, the paid leave for burnout should be more encouraged
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 companies. Not only that, but a compulsory evaluation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
 health by an occupational physician can
also
Linking Words
 support in maintaining
Correct article usage
the physicial
show examples
physicial
Correct your spelling
physical
 and mental health of individuals. In conclusion, nowadays,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
balance
Use synonyms
 in professional and personal
life
Use synonyms
 can create an
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 condition for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, since it can damage
people
Use synonyms
's mental and
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
 health
while
Linking Words
 overworking.
Thus
Linking Words
, the toxic
work
Use synonyms
 culture should be eliminated by promoting personal well-being from early as possible.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on more clearly defining and expressing the main ideas in each paragraph. Each paragraph should focus on a single clear point that relates back to your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into a clearer structure. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that each one has a definitive topic sentence.
task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, you could enhance your essay by incorporating more specific examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure correct spelling and grammatical accuracy for better readability. For example, check for typos such as "competitivence" (competitiveness) and "neglate" (neglect).
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the reasons for the imbalance and potential solutions, which is commendable and aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the issue at hand, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas, providing a sense of closure to your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: