Computers have made our world a better place to live in. do you agree or disagree.

In the modern era,
computers
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are being used by everyone and these
computers
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made a better place to live in. I completely agree with
this
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notion. To commence with the view of agreement that ,
computers
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are used to record
data
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and information.
In other words
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, In many workplaces ,
people
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can use
computers
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to gather and store
data
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for the long term
due to
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their large storage disk memory .
For Instance
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,
people
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who work in the banking sector
,
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apply
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can keep a record of every cash transaction, loan and personal details of their customers.
Hence
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,it helps to reduce the complexities of managing
data
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and information.
Furthermore
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, through the internet,
computers
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provide a platform to do online business. To explain it, many
people
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are doing their business by using various software of the
computers
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such
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as Adobe Photoshop,M.S.power point and so on.
For instance
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, To present
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
of
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about
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their products,
people
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can represent their marketing strategies by making slides in M.S .power point.
Therefore
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, it provides opportunities to interact and diversify e-commerce .
Further
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shifting towards the view of disagreement, the usage of
computers
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has reduced the various job opportunities for
people
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due to
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a lack of computer skills. To more on it, many companies prefer
to
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apply
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those
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apply
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candidates who have
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the
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proper knowledge to use
computers
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to handle various tasks and, if
people
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have no skill to use
computers
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then
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, they would rejected by the companies.
For example
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,
according to
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the survey conducted by Oxford University , 60% of companies select candidates,who
are experience
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are experienced
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in basic
computers
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.
As a result
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, it enhances unemployment and demotivation among
people
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. In conclusion,
computers
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are beneficial for recording
data
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and online business but
also
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reduce job opportunities for
people
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion for stronger clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transition words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points on the negative impacts of computers.
task achievement
You have clearly presented your agreement with the topic, which is important for task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a good overview of what the essay will discuss.
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