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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that space travel is a waste of government money while others believe it is important for human development. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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It is a highly debatable issue with different opinions: proponents think that it is better to spend
money
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 on
space
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 travel,
while
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 opponents believe that it is a waste of
money
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due to
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 several factors,
such
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 as the huge burden problem, the risk of failure, and so on.
This
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 discussion explores both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. To
initiate
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begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason is
financial
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a financial
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 burden. Critics of
space
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exploration
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 argue that a lot of
money
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 is wasted in
space
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exploration
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, so it is better to use up currency for other pressing issues like healthcare, education, and poverty.
For example
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, a survey conducted by Japan
had shown
Verb problem
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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report
Replace the word
reported
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 that more than 60% of people live under the poverty line.
As a result
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,
instead
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 of spending
money
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 on Astronomical
exploration
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, it should be used for individuals' better food and homes. Another reason is the risk of failure. To explain
it
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apply
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, if the mission is unsuccessful,
then
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 it is not only
the
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a
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 loss of time but
also
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 a huge amount of
money
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that is
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 collected from taxes.
Additionally
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, it cannot have any direct effect on daily life. Moving
further
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, some people are in favour of
space
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research
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 because,
according to
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 them, it is the greatest source of information and knowledge
of
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about
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 climate change and the environment. To clarify it, universe discovery allows scientists to get information about any disaster before it happens.
Consequently
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,
thousand
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thousands
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 of
mases
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masses
mass
 and things are protected from mishappenings.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 helps in healthcare,
such
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 as laser surgeries, which make operations easier and painless.
A part
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Apart
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form
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from
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this
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 it
also
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increase
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increases
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 job opportunities and
plathore
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plethora
 of workers get jobs. It encourages international cooperation and scientific
research
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.
For instance
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, countries start working together on
space
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research
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 and start becoming familiar with each other.
Although
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 astronomical
research
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 plays an important role in our lives, more concerning issues need much attention. I believe that equal funding can solve
this
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 problem. Governments should balance
space
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exploration
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 with addressing global issues. In conclusion,
while
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 some view
space
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exploration
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 as an unnecessary expense, its contributions to science, technology, and future survival make it an important investment for humanity.

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coherence
Strengthen the connection between your ideas and make transitions smoother between paragraphs. This will help enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument and including your opinion.
coherence
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states the purpose of the essay, which sets a good foundation for your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate resources
  • technological innovation
  • benefit multiple sectors
  • immediate needs of society
  • long-term survival of humanity
  • habitable planets
  • potential risks
  • space debris
  • national prestige
  • foster international cooperation
  • united global community
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