IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people believe it is easier to have healthy lifestyles in the countryside. Others believe that there are benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyles #countryside #cities
In
this
 contemporary world, it is argued that
life
 in the countryside assists in maintaining a healthy lifestyle since there are lots of outdoor activities and a peaceful atmosphere;
however
, others believe that
life
 in urban
areas
 is more beneficial as megapolises provide more opportunities for the public. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, it is confirmed that people should habitat villages in order to have a healthy lifestyle. The main reason for
this
 statement is the availability of outdoor activities,
such
 as hiking, jogging, swimming and cycling. The public can do these activities whenever they want, without any distractions (traffic jams). Another option is relaxation.
Life
 in the rural
areas
 gives us an opportunity to enjoy views of
areas
, get peace far from the urban stress and get away from the hustle and bustle of the city. And, of course, there is a smaller amount of crime, which
also
 plays a key role in promoting
overall
 well-being.
Overall
, all of these options have a beneficial impact on our
life
. On the flip side, it is believed that cities provide more opportunities for the public to support its health.
Firstly
, sports centres. A person can purchase a member sheep for a month,
for example
. He can organize a schedule and, during
this
 period, attend the fitness centre.
Moreover
, there is a huge amount of playgrounds, which are free and can be used by people of all ages at any time.
Finally
, there is an enormous amount of choices in terms of healthy food.
In other words
,
life
 in megapolises
also
 helps to maintain good healthy habits. In conclusion, I believe that the countryside is more attractive for people compared to urban
areas
 thanks to the reasons I have mentioned above.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
In the second body paragraph, consider being more specific with examples, such as mentioning particular sports centers or types of healthy food available in cities. Specific examples can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on refining and elaborating some of the points, especially in the second body paragraph. Providing more depth will enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using more varied linking devices can help improve the flow of the essay. For instance, beginning the third paragraph with a phrase like "Conversely" instead of "On the flip side" can make your writing appear more sophisticated.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both views and provides a clear thesis statement, which sets the stage for the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, giving the essay a sense of closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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