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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work at school and in daily life is a good thing.Other believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.Discuss both view and gives your own opinion?

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In recent times, many
individuals
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 believe that
competition
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 in workplaces, schools, and personal life is essential as it encourages people to strive for success.
However
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, others argue that
cooperation
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 is more beneficial since it promotes strong relationships and collective progress.
While
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both
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 perspectives have their merits, I believe that
competition
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 is more advantageous, which I will discuss in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
competition
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 can drive
individuals
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 to work harder and perform better in various aspects of life. In professional settings, employees who aim for promotions or incentives often increase their productivity, which benefits
both
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 themselves and the organization.
Similarly
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, in academic environments,
students
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 who compete with their peers tend to achieve higher grades, improving their chances of securing scholarships and future career opportunities.
For instance
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, a study by Harvard University found that
students
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 who engaged in friendly academic
competition
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 improved their test scores by 15% compared to those who studied alone.
This
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 suggests that
competition
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 fosters determination and self-improvement, ultimately leading to success.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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 plays a crucial role in fostering teamwork and mutual support. In schools,
students
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 who collaborate by sharing knowledge and resources can enhance their learning experience.
For example
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, group study sessions allow
students
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 to exchange ideas and solve complex problems together, leading to a deeper understanding of subjects.
Likewise
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, in the workplace, teamwork helps employees achieve common goals more efficiently, creating a positive and inclusive work environment.
Furthermore
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,
cooperation
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 promotes social harmony and builds trust among
individuals
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, which is essential for long-term success. In conclusion,
while
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both
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competition
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 and
cooperation
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 have their advantages,
competition
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 serves as a powerful motivator that drives
individuals
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 toward excellence.
However
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,
cooperation
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 should not be overlooked, as it fosters collaboration and strengthens relationships. A balance between the two is ideal, ensuring
both
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 personal achievement and collective progress.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views, providing a clear opinion throughout. However, you could further enhance the clarity of your main arguments by including more specific examples and elaborating on them.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking words between your ideas to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, providing a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You provide strong arguments that demonstrate a good understanding of the benefits of both competition and cooperation, which is an excellent approach to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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