IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? to give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Over the past years,
distant
Replace the word
distance
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 working and studying have gained growing popularity
due to
Linking Words
 technological developments. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
this
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 trend might offer two prime disadvantages: students lose
connnection
Correct your spelling
connection
 with schools in reality and employees do not try their best for their companies. It is inevitable that homeschooling facilitates children to learn independently.
In other words
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, by studying on computers and at home, they are not going to attend classes anymore, which breaks their relationships at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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. They might start to make friends online and learn from teachers made by artificial intelligence;
furthermore
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, they will lose
capabilities
Correct article usage
the capabilities
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 of
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real life.
Hence
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, they will grow up lacking confidence in debating and cooperating with colleagues and always prefer cyberspace
instead
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 of physical offices.
In addition
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, without facilities or managers, workers might underperform online. If they work from home, they are required to buy devices and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 just like in their workplace.
For instance
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, they need strong computers and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 to have daily meetings with clients and co-workers; they probably feel disappointed and less motivated to work because they have to pay those bills
by
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with
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 their salaries.
Along with
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 that financial concern, they are not going to be assisted by colleagues nor supervised by bosses, so they might forget their duties and get relaxed
in
Change preposition
during
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 office hours. Irrespective of still meeting deadlines and goals, they will not remember to contribute their best;
as a result
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, their companies may not grow consistently as expected. In conclusion, I strongly disapprove
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this
Change preposition
of this
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 trend. It not only breaks the social cycle of children but
also
Linking Words
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
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 the outputs from employees.

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task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly highlight your position. You could also mention both positive and negative aspects of remote work instead of focusing solely on the negatives.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance logical flow. Use linking phrases to connect your ideas and arguments more cohesively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the impact of remote working on children, you could reference studies or statistics that demonstrate these effects.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas about the disadvantages of remote working and studying, indicating your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes your arguments easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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