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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Parenting is an important part of everyone's life. Some believe that
a
Remove the article
apply
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good parenting should be taught in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at
early
Add an article
an early
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age
Use synonyms
. I disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it as there are lots of courses and subjects, a person should learn to
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a better
future
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. As per
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 peer's
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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, a
schoold
Correct your spelling
school
 should include a parenting program for young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 for their
Linking Words
further
Correct word choice
future
show examples
 life. They think that an individual should explore the techniques and tips of how to take care of a
child
Use synonyms
 from infancy to adulthood. By which, they will not have
much
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many
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 difficulties in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
future
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a parent can learn how to tackle any serious issue with their baby, if they
taught
Add a missing verb
are taught
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in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
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 early
age
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. As per my knowledge, a good parent should know how to take care of their infant from their food to clothes. Later on, parents should have knowledge of
milestone
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milestones
show examples
, at what
age
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 a baby should hold their neck, and
what
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at what
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 a
child
Use synonyms
 should crawl
?
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.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should understand the
psycology
Correct your spelling
psychology
 of a
child
Use synonyms
's mindset and how to handle any stubborn situation without getting mad
on
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at
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 them.
In contrast
Linking Words
, I think that a young person
have
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has
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 a lot to learn in their
school
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 for their better
future
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. Nowadays, with the advancement of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 everyone wants their
child
Use synonyms
 should be more
skillfull
Correct your spelling
skilful
skillfully
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should learn financing, investing and much more
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
a
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apply
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parenting can
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
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 from their own parents and it should be a main topic.
For example
Linking Words
: My sister focused on her skills in their
school
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 time , now she is a nurse and a good mother as well. As my mother and her
mother-in law
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mother-in-law
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 supported her parenting journey.
Finally
Linking Words
, a
schoold
Correct your spelling
school
 should focus on
Correct article usage
a skillfull
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skillfull
Correct your spelling
skilful
skillfully
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 which can help in building
somone's
Correct your spelling
someone's
future
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting money and time on
parenting
Correct article usage
a parenting
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a parent can
take
Verb problem
get
show examples
 help
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 social media , if they have some questions.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but they could be more compelling. Try to rephrase your thesis statement to clearly indicate your stance and provide a brief overview of your main points in the introduction.
task achievement
While you present some relevant points about parenting skills, more elaboration and deeper analysis would strengthen your argument. Consider incorporating more examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate your points.
grammar and language usage
A few grammar and spelling errors are present, such as 'schoold' and 'psyology.' Proofreading your essay for these types of mistakes can help improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the question and demonstrates critical thinking regarding the role of schools in teaching parenting skills.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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