IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Some individuals think that if
governments
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 decide to pay
taxes
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, they must pay for
health
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care
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 because it is the most essential thing.
While
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 others consider that there are other things that are more important than
health
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 services that should be paid.
This
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 essay supports the first view because
people
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 who need
health
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care
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 usually do not have enough money to meet their needs.
According to
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 the first view,
health
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care
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taxes
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 should be paid by
governments
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 because it is the most important aspect of our lives that leads to maintaining our lives and physical, mental and psychological
health
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. If
governments
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 help
people
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 by paying their
taxes
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 for
health
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care
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, communities will enjoy comfortable lives and
people
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 will be more productive which makes them able to achieve their goals.
For example
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, in Fenland,
health
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care
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taxes
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 are paid by
governments
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therefore
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, the spreading diseases percentage is lower than a lot of countries where their
governments
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 are not paying
this
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 type of
taxes
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. Some individuals think there are other things
taxes
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 should be paid
such
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 as
food
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 products so
governments
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 should pay the supermarkets'
taxes
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. The reason why they believe
that is
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 because
food
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 and drinks are daily needs,
in other words
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, most
people
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 might buy them every day or at least twice a week. So,
this
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 decision will facilitate getting one of the most important requirements, which are
food
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 products.
In addition
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, the
overall
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 hunger rate will decrease.
For instance
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, the fewest countries
according to
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 hunger rate and diseases that result from being hungry for a long period those that their
governments
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 adopt paying
food
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 supply
taxes
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. In conclusion, even though there are many crucial things that
governments
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 should pay their
taxes
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, I think that
health
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care
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taxes
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 are more important to be paid.
This
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 is because in some cases,
people
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 who need
health
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care
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 are elderly or poor which means they cannot pay
taxes
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 so they might decide not to go to a hospital or borrow money and put themselves under pressure.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed. This will improve coherence and the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are articulated clearly, providing sufficient depth and explanation for each point raised.
language
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality and richness of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, which is necessary for task achievement.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support arguments, particularly in discussing healthcare and its benefits.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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