Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

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Nowadays more and more men start to consider that social platforms diminish adolescents’ ability to create personal bonds and in general negatively affect their communicative skills. Others think in the opposite way and believe that these sites contribute to the young community’s connectivity. I personally believe that social media is a good thing as a whole and it has benefited the approach we communicate. First of all, apps
such
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as Instagram and Facebook give individuals an opportunity to chat with anyone, no matter where
this
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person comes from.
This
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type of communication contributes to the creation of strong bonds and teaches adolescents to respect different cultures. Even though it can be kind of dangerous, if people do it with awareness, it can bring tons of benefits.
For example
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,
according to
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a survey conducted by "Nazarbayev University", about 40 per cent of active social media users agreed on the point that most part of the information about a foreign culture and traditions is known from the internet. To continue with, social media is a great way to create relationships for people who lack confidence in real life. Online talking is much easier than in-person conversations.
For instance
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, research, which was provided by the National Union proved that one-third of human beings suffered from introversion and struggled to converse with anyone outside the internet.
Hence
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, these platforms can build up a user’s confidence, ameliorate their social skills and make them secure to embrace and create real-life bonds with the community. In conclusion, social websites have their disadvantages,
however
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, these platforms can give you plenty of opportunities for new friendships. If these sites did not exist,
however
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, the world would be a much more boring place.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the points of view of those who believe social media has a negative impact. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and connection between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
You have a clear personal opinion that is well stated in the introduction.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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