IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

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There are two different types of
parents
Use synonyms
’ role in educating their
children
Use synonyms
: By giving more push to their
children
Use synonyms
 or by giving more space to their
kids
Use synonyms
 in expressing their selves. Giving too much control to
children
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 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some advantages or disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 writing will explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whether
this
Linking Words
 one of
parenting
Correct article usage
the parenting
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 methods is good or not. Nowadays, the competition in every aspect of life is very tight. To get a better job, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to have high quality of education and skills. To get those things, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to fight as hard as they can to win the game.
This
Linking Words
 effort must
be
Verb problem
have
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 started when they were
kid
Add an article
a kid
show examples
. There are too many distractions that can make
children
Use synonyms
 far away from success. Technology advancements
such
Linking Words
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, video games, and smart gadgets are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
examples of barriers that can hinder
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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in
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from
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 focusing
about
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on
show examples
 their future.
This
Linking Words
 thought often drives many
parents
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 to give very close direction to their
kids
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 in reaching
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better life. Even though giving more pressure can make some
parents
Use synonyms
 successfully bring their
children
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 to success
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks that can make some other
children
Use synonyms
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
. Too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 rules from their
parents
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 can make the
children
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 can not learn to make their own choices and decisions. Eventually, it will
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 the
children
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 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
confidence.
Besides
Linking Words
, sometimes people can learn from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 failures. If
parents
Use synonyms
 never let their
children
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get bad
mark
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
show examples
 in school or
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 in a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 match, their
children
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 never try to feel the pain and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
try to overcome it.
This
Linking Words
finally
Linking Words
 can make the
children
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 very likely to be depressed. In conclusion,
children
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 should be controlled so that they can go on the right track. Yet, it is
also
Linking Words
 can be harmful if they are never given chances to learn, to fail, and to make their own decision. Giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper pressure, not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 hard and not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 loose, is the best way for
parents
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in nurturing
Change preposition
to nurture
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 their
kids
Use synonyms
. Knowing the
children
Use synonyms
’s capacity
in receiving
Change preposition
to receive
show examples
 a push is
also
Linking Words
 important so the
parents
Use synonyms
 can give their best effort in monitoring their
kids
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Consider rephrasing it to explicitly state your position on the topic regarding parental pressure and education.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words to create a better flow between your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points, but it could be stronger if it reiterated your overall stance more clearly.
task achievement
You address both sides of the parenting spectrum, showcasing a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay touches on relevant points such as the impact of technology and the importance of learning from failure, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encouragement
  • performance
  • pressure
  • overzealous
  • impact
  • educational experiences
  • expectations
  • societal influences
  • cultural expectations
  • academic success
  • fear of failure
  • protective measure
  • competitive nature
  • job markets
  • undue pressure
  • motivation
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