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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computers are being used more and more in education and some say there will soon be no role for the teacher in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe
that is
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 possible to replace
teachers
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 with computers in the education system, and that leads to
teachers
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' disappearance. Personally, I believe that students need
teachers
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 to teach them,
due to
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 the importance of person-to-person interaction and to tackle the digital
issues
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 that are still under exam.
To begin
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 with,
teachers
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' attendance is crucial for the teaching system and student understanding.
In other words
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, students need to interact with their
teachers
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 to ask questions and improve their soft
skills
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,
such
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 as leadership, communication and teamwork, and that cannot be achieved without a monitor who can control the class.
In addition
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,
also
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 they can gain these
skills
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 by observing the lecturer’s behaviours.
For example
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, studies have shown that schools that rely on studying online metode are less likely to participate in competitions that require personal
skills
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 like sports compared to traditional schools. Another point to consider is that many electronic devices have
issues
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 that make corporating them in schools or universities under study. It is
also
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 possible to say that
issues
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 like poor internet can be challenging to solve and need a large outcome which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be hard to afford.
For instance
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, just a few big companies like, Apple and Sony can afford a strong internet that can serve many computers in one place. In conclusion,
although
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 technology has changed the world and plays a vital role in education progress,
teachers
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 cannot be replaced by devices. I firmly believe that students should learn from human beings to maintain their human
skills
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 and avoid academic delays because of online learning
issues
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
language use
Check grammar and phrasing to ensure clarity and proper meaning, especially in complex sentences.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is a good way to start an essay.
task achievement
You attempted to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
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