Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, doctors are saying that
people
Use synonyms
usually do workouts less than recommended. Since
people
Use synonyms
focus on working performance, they prioritise their career growth rather than taking care of their physical health.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
issue can be solved by government-sponsored campaigns that provide useful information for all citizens. Individuals, nowadays, work from 9 to 5 or even overtime, reducing their time for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
more responsibilities with age,
people
Use synonyms
are forced to earn more money in order to cover their higher expenses so they choose to work harder and
this
Linking Words
makes them exhausted.
Moreover
Linking Words
, workers
also
Linking Words
prefer to have some relaxation by having a good dinner
instead
Linking Words
of pushing themselves to do any physical workout.
For example
Linking Words
, in many Asian countries, the most popular activities surveyed are hanging out with friends or eating
instead
Linking Words
of playing sports or exercising.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
issue can
be address
Change the verb form
be addressed
show examples
effectively. One of the possible viable solutions is to raise awareness via public campaigns which should be promoted everywhere. If
people
Use synonyms
are educated on the effects of inadequate
exercise
Use synonyms
and the positive impacts of being physically healthy, they will be aware and eventually interested in exercising.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Thai government published a viral campaign on Skytrains to convince
people
Use synonyms
to
exercise
Use synonyms
more and
also
Linking Words
suggested easy ways to complete workouts at home.
As a result
Linking Words
, the frequency of
exercise
Use synonyms
reported increased. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
tend to have not enough physical workouts because of hard work and having less free time, viral awareness-raising campaigns can be one of the practical solutions to address
this
Linking Words
issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your opinion (agree or disagree) explicitly, as it is important to set the tone for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs by using more connecting phrases, such as 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'In contrast', to create a smoother transition.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate the main points more decisively to solidify your argument, rather than just summarizing the content.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics when discussing the effectiveness of awareness campaigns, as this will strengthen your argument and provide clearer evidence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic clearly and offers a balanced view by discussing both the problem and potential solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: