IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.

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People
Use synonyms
 without social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 or no interest
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that for me do not exist. of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 I am talking about
Add an article
the place
a place
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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, where
people
Use synonyms
 have got
access
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
 their
advancments
Correct your spelling
advancements
 are bigger than other countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think
coverage
Add an article
the coverage
show examples
 of
celebrities
Use synonyms
 is having
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact, and in the future or in present have or will have
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
 on their
children
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 think their
children
Use synonyms
 can have
access
Use synonyms
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
tings
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 and get information
Use synonyms
Change preposition
about celebrities
show examples
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and it is usually.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe,
children
Use synonyms
 can have
access
Use synonyms
wiith
Correct your spelling
with
 that. Foremost, category of
people
Use synonyms
 think, their
children
Use synonyms
 must not get information about
celebrities
Use synonyms
 and their
life
Use synonyms
, because those
people
Use synonyms
 are adults and they have got their
life
Use synonyms
 to do.
This
Linking Words
 is true everyone has got their
life
Use synonyms
, but the
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 doing their job well and
inform
Wrong verb form
informing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 about those
people
Use synonyms
's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. So it is not in their interest, which category of
people
Use synonyms
 are watching it, I mean,
this
Linking Words
 adult or child.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is not
murderer
Correct article usage
a murderer
show examples
 with that and if
perents
Correct your spelling
parents
 want
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
access
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that, they must overcome that problem with their
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
category
Correct article usage
a category
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
, it is natural to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little effect on their
children
Use synonyms
 and the media has
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 done well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
thes
Correct your spelling
these
people
Use synonyms
 believe if they have
access
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that, their
children
Use synonyms
 could learn something
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 coverage of
celebrities
Use synonyms
 and in future, it will have advantages
instead
Linking Words
 of drawbacks. In conclusion, I believe,
chilidren
Correct your spelling
children
 have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
different views
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 and before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 have different interests and do not care
Use synonyms
Change preposition
about celebrities
show examples
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I have seen around me,
children
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
watching cartoons and they have different views
before
Change preposition
than
show examples
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
. I believe,
during
Change preposition
as
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
teenager
Add a comma
teenager,
show examples
 they should watch
Use synonyms
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I can not see
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
 with that.
Thus
Linking Words
, I
thnk
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
, coverage of
celebrities
Use synonyms
 can have an effect, but not as much as
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the same person.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a relevant response to the prompt but needs stronger argumentation and a clearer stance. Consider organizing your points in a more structured manner.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your sentences and transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and flows logically into the next.
positive
You have made an effort to present different views on the impact of media coverage of celebrities, which shows consideration of multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity culture
  • Glamorization
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Self-esteem
  • Scandals
  • Role models
  • Moral development
  • Mental health
  • Influence
  • Exposure
  • Social media platforms
  • Charity work
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Perfection image
  • Negative impact
  • Inspire children
What to do next:
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