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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the resuits of a survey about people's coffee and teabuying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.Summarise the information by seiecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the resuits of a survey about people's coffee and teabuying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.Summarise the information by seiecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart shows the percentage of city residents
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three ways of
people
Use synonyms
 to buy or drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in five Australian cities.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph,
people
Use synonyms
 went to a café
for drinking
Change preposition
to drink
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea are the most popular in four cities: Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Hobart. And in Melbourne, over 60%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the most
less
Correct word choice
common
show examples
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 buying
coffee
Use synonyms
 is
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, in Brisbane, only about 34%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 selected it, and in Sydney, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
percentage is about 42%. It's lower than drinking
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a café over 15%. In Adelaida, 50%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 choose
bought
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 to
drinking
Replace the word
drink
show examples
, it's the most
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 chosen way. But the number wasn't the biggest. In Hobart, about 54%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 like
this
Linking Words
, the percentage of went to café
also
Linking Words
 big, about 62% and just less than Melbourne's
people
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, coffee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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