IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many scientists believe that seeking out life by sending messages into space is a good idea while others feel that it is dangerous. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Most scholars think that people should send messages into the universe in order to contact with
aliens
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while
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 others believe it can be harmful.
This
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 essay agrees with the second idea because
aliens
Use synonyms
 might have advanced weapons and over-developed colonizations. In order to maximize their self-profit they can devastate our civilization. One of the most underlying reasons for potential harm by
aliens
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 is their advanced weapons.
In other words
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, there is a wide variety of materials
such
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 as iron, silver, and gold
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they
maywant
Correct your spelling
may want
 to seize these invaluable resources.
Moreover
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, water is another supplement which can be extremely essential for inhabitants from other planets.
For example
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, in Cambridge University one research illustrates that there is not sufficient water and various materials on other planets as much as on Earth.
As a result
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, it is likely that
aliens
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 can find our civilization and eradicate us in order to make a profit.
In contrast
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, some scientists believe that if we can contact with other intellectual creatures, it can be beneficial to understand the universe more clearly.
However
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, intellectual colonies can accelerate the speed of scientific
researches
Change noun form
research's
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 way of
coordinative
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coordinating
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 efforts and collaborations.
For instance
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, in Switzerland, CERN astrophysics strongly believes that out of our galaxy, there are a wide range of habitats which can be likely intellectual as much as people and unlikely they have not over-developed technology, but
otherwise
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, they would already send radio waves to us. In conclusion,
while
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 sending radio waves into the universe can be dangerous because of the possibility of the eradication of our society by
aliens
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, it can be useful to develop more rapidly thanks to other intellectual creatures.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your position. However, it could be more balanced by summarizing both views more clearly before stating your opinion. This would provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of ideas is generally clear, but some sentences would benefit from smoother transitions to enhance coherence. For example, linking the idea of advanced weapons more directly to the implications for humanity would strengthen your logical flow.
Task Achievement
While you provide some examples, they could be expanded upon for greater clarity and relevance. For instance, elaborating on how CERN's beliefs relate to the potential benefits of contacting aliens would enrich your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and provides relevant points to support that opinion, which is essential for achieving a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
You demonstrate good vocabulary and some complex sentence structures, which is a strong point in your writing needed for a higher band score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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