IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage? write 250 words.

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There is no denying the fact that finding a
job
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 is a very crucial thing for any individual.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it is better for people to search for work away from their relatives, there is
also
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 an argument that they may be exposed to some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 matter and express my opinion. On one hand, when individuals seek a
job
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 independently without any help from companions, it seems to be a daunting process.
In other words
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, it may take a pretty long time to get a suitable
job
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,
consequently
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; more money may be spent during
this
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 process.
In addition
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, there is a risk of exposure to fraud employers, which offers them false contracts.
For example
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, in some African countries, some unknown companies may hire employees with false contracts, so the employees suffer more later.
On the other hand
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, people will gain more benefits if they find their
job
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 independently. It is possible to say that some positive criteria will be achieved, as their self-confidence will improve.
Moreover
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, the new environment represents an excellent opportunity for them to recognize new colleagues from various cultures and customs,
hence
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 their communication skills become much better.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 chance will prompt them to use their gifts, so they can make a great invention, which would be beneficial to humanity.
For instance
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, Tesla searched for work by himself, which made him a very strong person to challenge and overcome any obstacles in his life, so he became a well-known scientist. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that when an individual finds a
job
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 by himself, he will obtain more positive impacts that outweigh the issues of
this
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 mission.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develops that idea, ideally with specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Variety in sentence structures and transition phrases can enhance the flow and clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for any repetitive phrases or ideas to keep your content fresh and engaging.
logical structure
Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion and your conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint, showing a strong structure.
complete response
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an effort to use a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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