IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and there is no longer a sense of community. What are the reasons for this? How to solve it?

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Nowadays, with technological developments, some people do not communicate with their neighbours.
Therefore
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, there are fewer activities for the children to play or even to engage socially with each other. One of the solutions that can be applied, is to have at least a day in the week to have dinner and talk about their lives. One of the primary causes of
this
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 issue is technology, especially social media.
In other words
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, comparing the past and present days, there is a huge difference. People now get in touch with others using their phones more than to meet in a park or a cafe. Before the internet, public places and neighbourhoods were full of friends and children playing and chatting together,
for example
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.
Secondly
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, a successful life these days consists of securing a job, so employees spend most of the day working,
this
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 could be the reason why retired people are more social than workers. In order to solve the problem, neighbours may use social media,
such
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 as WhatsApp, to plan an activity for their pupils or even to construct a playground.
As a result
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, both parents and offspring can spend their free time to socialize with each other and decrease the time spent watching screens.
For instance
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, some countries build residential areas a small parks in order to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 active, by which residents have a good relationship with each other. In conclusion, technology is the main cause of having fewer relations among residents.
However
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, to avoid
this
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 issue, a playground should be constructed in order to get in touch together.

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task achievement
The introduction could be made clearer by explicitly stating the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
More specific and varied examples would enhance the arguments and engage the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify the connection between proposed solutions and the issues raised in the essay to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies a relevant issue regarding neighborhood relationships.
task achievement
The essay presents some creative solutions to the problem identified.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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