IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people beleive government should spend money on saving languages of few speakers

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A certain number of individuals believe that the government should invest in preserving the language
that is
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 spoken by a small number of people from being entirely extinct.
While
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 it is an action that a lot may agree with, I,
on the other hand
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, strongly disagree with
this
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 because I think that there are larger issues the authorities should be concerned about.
Firstly
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, the idea of aiding in the expansion of a language that has a scarce amount of users is unimportant.
Instead
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, the law should focus on wider problems that affect a larger proportion of the population
such
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 as a soar in unemployment or a lack of a strong educational system.
For instance
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, a worker with no job may rely on unemployment benefits from the government to sustain their needs. As the state puts more funding into
this
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 policy aiding a dying tongue, their unemployed citizens will receive fewer payments (
due to
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 a growth in opportunity cost) they gain a handful of opportunities to consume goods
such
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 as food or school fees for their children.
However
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, for citizens of the nation to learn more about their country’s past, the study of languages that are almost non-existent may be essential. Languages have always been a powerful tool to grasp a better understanding of a civilisation’s past as they are written on everything ranging from artefacts to monuments.
For example
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, Ancient Egyptians are famously known to engrave their speeches onto the tombs of their Pharaohs. Had the governments of Egypt and other foreign investors not put monetary endeavours to master these dialects it would have been impossible for them to uncover the secrets of their Pharaoh's burial sites. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the government should not put financial efforts in order to sustain a language rarely spoken.
Although
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 some people may argue that
this
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 step is required in order to better understand the past of their culture, we are faced with more significant costs that the state focuses more on.

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Task Achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly. While you present a rebuttal to the idea of preserving languages, further exploration of the benefits could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance connections between ideas using more cohesive devices like linking words or phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and a relevant position on the topic, supporting it with examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay features a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively outlines your main argument and summarizes your perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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