IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that learning a foreign languageis an essential component of a child's education. Others feel that learning a foreign language is often a waste of time that can be better spent on learning technologyand other vocational subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In our current times, there has been a debate surrounding foreign
languages
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, as many believe that it is considered essential to learn another
language
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due to
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 the fact it helps enhance a
child
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's cognitive skills and on top of that it provides a higher chance to get a career as many jobs seek people who speak various
languages
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, but others assume that it is a waste of time and
instead
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kid's
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kids
kid
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 should spend their time learning technology and vocational
subjects
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 we will be discussing both sides of
this
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 argument and
then
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 giving my opinion. Children who have a
diversty
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diversity
in
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of
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languages
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 often find it easier to get a job worldwide, on account of foreign
languages
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 are needed for global companies.
For instance
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, Saudi Aramco requires a worker to be fluent in both English and Arabic, owing to the fact that the main
language
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 in Saudi Arabia is Arabic,
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however
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however,
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 it is necessary to
talk
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speak
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 English
as a result
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 of it being the worldwide known
language
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.
Nevertheless
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, I suppose a
child
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 learning a new
language
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 to be beneficial
in particular
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 because
its
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it's
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 easier to learn another
language
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 at a younger age,
also
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as a result
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of
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apply
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it can help them in the
future
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 with their dreams.
On the other hand
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, learning vocational
subjects
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 will be more practical and faster with earning a job, with the rapid development of technology, a large
amount
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number
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 of jobs
such
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 as engineering require
to know
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knowing
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this
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 skill.
In addition
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, providing these
type
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types
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 of
subjects
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 to a young
child
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 will give enough time for them to
be
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become
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 experts. To illustrate
this
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, one of the majors that have been widely spread is Cyber Security, as
with
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apply
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learning and
practicing
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practising
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this
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 from a younger age will help with scoring
this
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 job in the
future
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. Having said that, I think that studying either one of these is valuable to a
child
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's
future
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.
To sum
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up
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up,
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this
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 conversation, learning foreign
languages
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 or vocational
subjects
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 are both
advantagous
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advantageous
 to children.
Moreover
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, parents should focus on their
child
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's passion and the
future
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 profession they aspire to be.

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task response
The introduction clearly states the topic, but it could be more concise and structured. Consider breaking it into two sentences to enhance clarity. For example, clearly outline that there are two opposing views before stating your opinion.
task response
Ensure to fully elaborate on both sides of the argument. The benefits of learning foreign languages are mentioned, but the counter-argument about vocational subjects could be expanded further with examples or reasons for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In the essay, try to use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas. For example, 'Firstly,' 'On the contrary,' 'In addition to,' could help in transitioning between points more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. There are small inaccuracies, such as 'diversty' instead of 'diversity', and 'kid's' should be 'kids' to maintain plural form. Such inaccuracies can affect the overall impression of the essay.
task response
The conclusion is present but could summarize the key points discussed in a clearer manner. Reiterating your opinion in a more defined way can reinforce your argument.
task response
You have made a strong attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task response
The use of specific examples, such as Saudi Aramco's language requirements, demonstrates good knowledge and supports your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • component
  • foreign language
  • education
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • sensitivity
  • global issues
  • career prospects
  • bilingual
  • practical skills
  • vocational training
  • job placement
  • relevance
  • advancement
  • technology
  • digital literacy
  • interconnected world
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