IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The
sense
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 of competition has increased among colleagues or students in the public over the
last
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 decade.
While
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 it is argued that being competitive can have several positive impacts on
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individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 personal and professional lives, others underscore that
individuals
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 should collaborate with each other rather than
competing
Wrong verb form
compete
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. I advocate the first point of view for several reasons.
To begin
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 with, I believe that being competitive in
the
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apply
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working environments and schools offers numerous significant
advanatges
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advantages
 for
individuals
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.
On
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One
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 of the primary benefits of competition is that people enhance their efforts to overtake their peers.
for instance
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, competitive students devote a large
proprtion
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portion
 of
day
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the day
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 to
study
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studying
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 their courses to get higher marks than their classmates. Another major advantage of
this
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 attitude is that it
encourage
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encourages
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individuals
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 to foster their essential skills,
such
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 as interpersonal communication skills.
Competitive
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A competitive
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 environment allows
individuals
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 to improve their personal
characterstics
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characteristics
 more efficiently, leading to higher
self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
Last
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 but not least,
this
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 attitude can enhance
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sense
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the sense
a sense
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 of creativity among
indivduals
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individuals
. Being
creativitive
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creativity
creativities
 allows them to create unbelievable products or
outcoomes
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outcomes
.
Therfore
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Therefore
, I believe that these three benefits pave the way for everyone to improve their personal and professional lives.
On the other hand
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, others argue that people
shoule
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should
 be encouraged to be collaborative in their careers and during education. A major reason is that sharing ideas with others or being a member of
team
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a team
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 provides availability to reach higher achievements. Because
,
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apply
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 working as a team can help us to consider every
aspects
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aspect
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 and boost
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sense
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the sense
a sense
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 of community among members. In conclusion,
although
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 some argue that collaborating has better
benefit
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benefits
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 than
competinf
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competing
competent
 in educational and working contexts, I believe the advantages of being
competive
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competitive
including
Verb problem
apply
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, enhance their efforts,
foster
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fostering
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 their skills and
improve
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improving
show examples
Use synonyms
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
 of creativity among them, are more valuable than cooperating.

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language
Ensure correct spelling throughout the essay, such as 'advantages,' 'creative,' and 'should.'
coherence
Improve the overall structure by ensuring paragraphs focus clearly on a single main idea to help with clarity and flow.
task achievement
Expand on some points; for example, when discussing advantages of collaboration, provide more specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
You present a well-balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for IELTS Writing.
coherence
The introduction clearly states your position, which is essential for guiding the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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