IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many things used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines .do this bring more advantages or di sadvantages ?

Each person has a different opinion. Some people admire
Use synonyms
hand made
Correct your spelling
handmade
show examples
 products,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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due to
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 the new technology, the
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
performance
 has changed. I strongly agree with having both,
this
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 is because of the demand in our world. One major advantage of using machines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the
deuration
Correct your spelling
duration
. Time plays a huge role
if
Correct your spelling
in
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 finalizing the task. Unlike,
hand
Use synonyms
 use as it needs to be done from the beginning.Quality as well has a significant impact on the outcome which has a positive effect.
For example
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, Italian
restuarants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 can have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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two options
in
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for
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 making Pasta. The process is simple, but the taste has a significant impact.
On the other
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hand
Use synonyms
, there are many people has no choice.
As well as
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 they are used to creating things
by
Change preposition
with
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 their hands. In my opinion,
this
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 is the
reasone
Correct your spelling
reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 the nature of the country and their culture.
For instance
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, in South
African
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Africa
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 there is a lack of resources which is one of the main issues that they are facing.
Also
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,
this
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 is a traditional way
in
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of
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 welcoming their guests,
in addition
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 to that they think that the taste is butter.
Although
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, I do not prefer eating from another
peorson's
Correct your spelling
person's
hand
Use synonyms
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 it has a secret taste.
Moreover
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, I believe in balancing which will support the idea of transformation by applying the available. In conclusion, everything depends on the availability. Personally, I like using advanced items
due to
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 that time is short and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 need things to be done as soon as
posible
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possible
.
Finally
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, at
this
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 stage
specially
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especially
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 after Corona, machines are always
recomanded
Correct your spelling
recommended
.

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear overall argument and could benefit from a more defined stance. Ensure that you clearly state your opinion on whether the advantages or disadvantages outweigh each other.
coherence and cohesion
You should improve the logical flow of ideas among sentences and paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph connects well with the previous one and has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Enhance your examples to be more specific and relevant to the main argument you’re presenting. This will help to support your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to enhance readability. For instance, phrases like 'the deuration' seem to contain typos or incorrect words.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the issue.
task achievement
There are attempts to include examples to support points made, indicating an effort to relate ideas to real-world situations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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