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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below show the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below show the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
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The table illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of travellers to Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 within the
year
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 before and the
year
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 after it was refurbished. The charts show the consequence of
investigation
Correct article usage
the investigation
show examples
 asking
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
about visitors
show examples
 'satisfaction with their visit, during the same two periods. In terms of the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
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, there was a substantial increase after the
refurbishment
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.The total
number
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 of
visitors
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 to the
museum
Use synonyms
 during the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
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 was 74000,
while
Linking Words
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 after, the
number
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 grew to 92,000, indicating a significant growth of 18,000
visitors
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. With regards to the satisfactory survey relating to tourists with their sightseeing,there
were
Change the verb form
was
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 40
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
visitors
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were dissatisfied people before the
refurbishment
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.
Meanwhilee
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
,10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the tourists were very dissatisfied with the
museum
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.Only 30
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
visitors
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 were satisfied, which doubled the ratio of those who were very satisfied. Turning to the
year
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 after finishing
refurbishment
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, there were generally more satisfied people than dissatisfied ones with a significant difference. A
20-
Change the spelling
20-per cent
show examples
percent
Use synonyms
 increase can be found in the ratio of the
visitors
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 to very satisfied people,
while
Linking Words
 another 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
visitors
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 were satisfied with the
museum
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
visitors
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
did not respond, the ratio of
visitors
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 who were very dissatisfied decreased significantly from 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 after the
refurbishment
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, museum, year, visitors, refurbishment, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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