IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that a person
achieves
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 their dreams in life is mostly related to luck. I completely disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion as
lucky
Replace the word
luck
show examples
 would usually undergo
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficult situations and
people
Use synonyms
 should pursue their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 with
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
people
Use synonyms
 always grow regularly, they surely have various dreams that would align with their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. To achieve
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 dreams,
lucky
Replace the word
luck
show examples
 is not an aspect that
people
Use synonyms
 could search obviously. Lucky usually
appears
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 are in a
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 situation or they have struggled with
Correct article usage
an impossible's
show examples
impossible's
Change noun form
impossible
show examples
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when society in a beach
experience
Correct subject-verb agreement
experiences
show examples
tsunami
Correct article usage
a tsunami
show examples
, their opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become least unless
lucky
Replace the word
luck
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them
to keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
survived
Wrong verb form
survive
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, that figure would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 by support from Angels and mercy
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 God.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 is one of
mainly
Rephrase
the main
show examples
success'
Change noun form
success
show examples
 parameters
instead
Linking Words
Change preposition
of lucky
show examples
lucky
Replace the word
luck
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 with good talent even could be
beated
Correct your spelling
beaten
show examples
 by someone who
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
 their limit eagerly.
For example
Linking Words
, Cristiano is a football
player
Use synonyms
 who
known
Add a missing verb
is known
show examples
 as the most
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardworking
atlete
Correct your spelling
athlete
 in the world. Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue Cristiano is not the best
player
Use synonyms
 because his ability is not natural and
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
show examples
 by activities of
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, his rival
named
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Messi, is more talented and
He has
Verb problem
he
show examples
 won five
individual's
Change noun form
individual
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 as the best
player
Use synonyms
 in the world in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, Cristiano
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their work, denying the
people
Use synonyms
's noise about his weakness. Eventually,
his
Change preposition
with his
show examples
 dedicated perseverance
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the result as He could reached Messi's achievement, sharing together as the two only football
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 who won
Individual's
Change noun form
Individual
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 five times.

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task achievement
Your introduction is a bit unclear and contains grammar errors. Try rephrasing it to create a clearer position statement. For example, say, 'I completely disagree with the notion that luck is primarily responsible for a person's success.'
coherence and cohesion
Some parts of your essay lack proper paragraphing. Make sure to start new paragraphs for new ideas or points to enhance coherence and make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Avoid using vague terms like 'lucky' without defining them. Specify how luck interacts with hard work instead. Clarifying your ideas will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your examples need smoother integration into your argument. For example, you could elaborate on how Cristiano's hard work helped him achieve his goals despite his initial disadvantages. This will improve your task achievement score.
content
You have some strong ideas about hard work being essential for success, which shows your engagement with the topic.
content
The examples you chose—Cristiano Ronaldo—are relevant and illustrate your points effectively, indicating an understanding of the subject matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • luck
  • determination
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • skills
  • continuous learning
  • achievements
  • opportunities
  • networking
  • personal accountability
  • diverse backgrounds
  • access to resources
  • causality
  • creative industries
  • structured fields
  • linear
  • predicated on merit
What to do next:
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