IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays,a growing number of peoples with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Health problems are complicated processes which have many causes and contributing factors to disable a body and build a serious illness ,so, it would be favourable in different stages some patients would prefer another type of cure and healing to reduce their tension , but , in a road of progressing the illness, an individual has to visit modern medicine to take a medication or a service like operation or physiotherapy to rehabilitate .
It
Correct pronoun usage
A
show examples
 must be created a space for each patient to choose their own method for treatment , because , accepting is the important key factor of the healing process , Health care organisations could represent their own methods to teach people about disease and cure steps and prevent causes , so , in competing with different lines of medicine is a crucial topic of health advertisement , because , medicine is a sensitive field which must put effort to keep it secure and a confident shelter for people , Drawing a healthcare plan to visit patients or finding hidden patients is a creative issue to have a healthier society and shape prosperity .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your introduction could be clearer in stating your overall opinion about whether you think alternative medicines are a positive or negative development. A more defined stance would help set the tone for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use paragraphs more effectively to separate your ideas. This will improve the overall structure of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Response
Include more specific examples of alternative medicines or treatments to strengthen your argument and make it more relatable. This would also enhance the clarity of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your sentences are clear and grammatically correct. Some sentences are convoluted and can confuse the reader. Simplifying your sentence structures may help with clarity.
Task Achievement
Your acknowledgment of the complexity of health problems shows a good understanding of the topic and engages with the discussion thoughtfully.
Task Achievement
The idea of patient choice in treatment methods highlights an important aspect of healthcare that is relevant to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: