IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The escalating prevalence of health issues linked to modern lifestyles, often resistant to contemporary medical interventions, has prompted calls for a renewed focus on traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 modern
medicine
Use synonyms
 offers undeniable advancements, the limitations of its
approach
Use synonyms
 necessitate a nuanced examination of the potential benefits and drawbacks of integrating traditional practices.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that a balanced
approach
Use synonyms
, incorporating elements of both systems, offers the most effective path towards improved global health. The modern lifestyle, characterized by processed foods, sedentary habits, and environmental pollutants, contributes significantly to a range of chronic diseases. These conditions, including obesity, diabetes, and certain cancers, often defy complete
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 through conventional
medicine
Use synonyms
, highlighting the inadequacy of solely relying on pharmaceutical solutions. The cumulative effect of these lifestyle factors gradually weakens the body's resilience, creating an environment conducive to disease development. Traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
, encompassing a diverse range of practices and
remedies
Use synonyms
, offers a valuable alternative or complement to modern approaches. Many traditional
remedies
Use synonyms
, often derived from natural sources, have demonstrably effective therapeutic properties.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, traditional systems often emphasize preventative measures and holistic well-being, addressing the root causes of illness rather than merely treating symptoms.
However
Linking Words
, the lack of rigorous scientific testing and standardization for many traditional
remedies
Use synonyms
 presents a significant challenge. The potential for adverse reactions and interactions with other medications remains a concern.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced
approach
Use synonyms
 is crucial.
While
Linking Words
 modern
medicine
Use synonyms
 remains indispensable for acute care and advanced treatments, the integration of traditional practices, subject to proper research and regulation, can offer significant advantages.
This
Linking Words
 synergistic
approach
Use synonyms
 allows for the exploitation of the strengths of each system
while
Linking Words
 mitigating their respective weaknesses.
Further
Linking Words
 research into the efficacy and safety of traditional
remedies
Use synonyms
, combined with a greater emphasis on preventative healthcare informed by both modern and traditional principles, is essential for optimizing global health outcomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are clearly elaborated with specific examples or evidence. While your points are strong, adding further detail could enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but consider briefly summarizing your key points in the conclusion to reinforce your arguments for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This could improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument for a balanced approach, effectively integrating both modern and traditional medicine.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that develop key ideas, and a logical conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: