IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take an interest in the arts?

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It is widely acknowledged in the whole universe among traditions of all communities that
art
Use synonyms
 is an inseparable entity.
Besides
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, the number of
people
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 who respect
this
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 matter is declining these days and they focus more on scientific issues, modern facilities and jobs.
This
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 essay will discuss reasons contributing to
this
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 subject
along with
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 some solutions to figure it out. There is ample evidence about
art
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 in different civilizations from ancient times till now that it is integrated with
people
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's thoughts and beliefs. It seems that the rate of promotion and improvement in the
art
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 world has been decreasing since science presents tangible results for the future of human beings like discoveries and inventions derived from research.
In addition
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, governments do not feel responsible for introducing
art
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 and facilitating it for
people
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 to get involved and produce artistic works for the generations to come.
Therefore
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, there needs to be a source of information and support unity to work it out.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
 the majority of
people
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 lost their interest in the
art
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 and deviated their path toward other targets, there are some ways to bring it to the centre of communities' attention.
Firstly
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, states should familiarize the public with previously created arts
such
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 as famous paintings and sculptures to the current generation and hand over opportunities for them to partake.
Secondly
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, job occasions for
art
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 graduate students should be enhanced so that they will be motivated for them to carry on. Ultimately, governments are the final station for mounting the position of
art
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 in society. In conclusion, it is vital to preserve the culture of one nation by introducing its
art
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 to other countries.
This
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 essay discussed two reasons including science productions as a barrier and the lack of information given by the state
along with
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 two solutions consisting of more familiarization of
people
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 with
art
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together with
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 job opportunities for graduate students which can play a significant role in
this
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 regard.

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task achievement
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task achievement
Develop each main idea further to ensure your essay is comprehensive and detailed. Utilize more varied sentence structures and specific examples for clearer explanation of your points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by more effectively organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your main points and stance on the topic. This will strengthen the persuasive power of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions to clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more fluent and easier to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
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