IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Conventional aspects and paths of life tend to disappear when a country begins to develop their
technology
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.
Hence
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, it became meaningless to support their existence. I partially agree with
this
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 idea since
technology
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 has a significant
power
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 in order to reshape our usual routines in various fields.
However
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, there are several benefits of
technology
Use synonyms
 that can make our lives easier compared to the past years.
To begin
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 with, I personally consider that old traditions can be affected swiftly
from
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
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 developments in the tech sector. It is quite hard to catch up with
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
show examples
 innovations which
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been spread worldwide. Since it is an unstoppable field, having been
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 its
power
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a majority of various parts of our lives
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 unavoidable fact.
Technology
Use synonyms
 has replaced our conventional routines not only in our work or study forms but
also
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habits
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in habits
show examples
 that we have in our home lives.
For instance
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, many schools have started to use smart boards
instead
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 of black
board
Fix the agreement mistake
boards
show examples
.
Moreover
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, in some higher education models, teachers are showing a tendency for online homework as well.
Additionally
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, a huge majority of companies enhanced their interest in Artificial Intelligence which results in unemployment.
Furthermore
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, one of the most common
trend
Change to a plural noun
trends
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in
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at
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 present is smart homes. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first glance,
this
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 might seem
as
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like
show examples
 a plus but
this
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 may result in
declining
Replace the word
a decline
show examples
of
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in
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 shared time as a family.
On the other hand
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, there are
few
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a few
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 aspects that can help in order to sustain traditional abilities.
For example
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, using search engines have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 long-term space in many people's life. With the help of Artificial Intelligence, seeking for
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 may take less time than before.
This
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 development is not leading to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 conventional way of searching,
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conversely
Add a comma
conversely,
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 it combines the old and
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 features.
This
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 gathering shows that there is a possibility of keeping traditions alive
while
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technology
Use synonyms
 is developing. In conclusion,
technology
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 has a vast
power
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 in order to manage mankind's habits. If the outlines of its
power
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will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 specified, there might be a chance to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 conventional ways alive.

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Task Response
The introduction could be clearer by stating your position more explicitly. It would also help to briefly outline the main points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea and that it is well-developed. This will help with coherence and articulation of your points.
Task Response
In your conclusion, reiterate your main argument more assertively and summarize the key points you've made, rather than introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, especially in illustrating the impact of technology on traditional practices.
Task Achievement
You attempted to express a nuanced view by agreeing partially with the statement, which adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
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