IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Conventional aspects and paths of life tend to disappear when a country begins to develop their
technology
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.
Hence
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, it became meaningless to support their existence. I partially agree with
this
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 idea since
technology
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 has a significant
power
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 in order to reshape our usual routines in various fields.
However
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, there are several benefits of
technology
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 that can make our lives easier compared to the past years.
To begin
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 with, I personally consider that old traditions can be affected swiftly
from
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by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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brand new
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brand-new
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 developments in the tech sector. It is quite hard to catch up with
cutting edge
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cutting-edge
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 innovations which
has
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have
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 been spread worldwide. Since it is an unstoppable field, having been
showed
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shown
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 its
power
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on
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in
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 a majority of various parts of our lives
an
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is an
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 unavoidable fact.
Technology
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 has replaced our conventional routines not only in our work or study forms but
also
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habits
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in habits
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 that we have in our home lives.
For instance
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, many schools have started to use smart boards
instead
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 of black
board
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boards
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.
Moreover
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, in some higher education models, teachers are showing a tendency for online homework as well.
Additionally
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, a huge majority of companies enhanced their interest in Artificial Intelligence which results in unemployment.
Furthermore
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, one of the most common
trend
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trends
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in
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at
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 present is smart homes. At
the
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apply
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first glance,
this
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 might seem
as
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like
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 a plus but
this
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 may result in
declining
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a decline
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of
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in
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 shared time as a family.
On the other hand
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, there are
few
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a few
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 aspects that can help in order to sustain traditional abilities.
For example
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, using search engines have
an
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a
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 long-term space in many people's life. With the help of Artificial Intelligence, seeking for
an information
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information
a piece of information
show examples
 may take less time than before.
This
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 development is not leading to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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the
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in the
show examples
 conventional way of searching,
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conversely
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conversely,
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 it combines the old and
brand new
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brand-new
show examples
 features.
This
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 gathering shows that there is a possibility of keeping traditions alive
while
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technology
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 is developing. In conclusion,
technology
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 has a vast
power
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 in order to manage mankind's habits. If the outlines of its
power
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will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 specified, there might be a chance to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
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 conventional ways alive.

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Task Response
The introduction could be clearer by stating your position more explicitly. It would also help to briefly outline the main points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea and that it is well-developed. This will help with coherence and articulation of your points.
Task Response
In your conclusion, reiterate your main argument more assertively and summarize the key points you've made, rather than introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, especially in illustrating the impact of technology on traditional practices.
Task Achievement
You attempted to express a nuanced view by agreeing partially with the statement, which adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
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