IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that many young people do not play sports because they are afraid of losing . Therefore , sport competitions should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, the topic of sports has emerged as a critical issue for the general public. It is often argued that a few young communities do not engage in outdoor activities because they are afraid of losing.
Consequently
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, they think that the government should prohibit sports competitions. I totally disagree with
this
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 assertion.
This
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 essay will provide a few reasons to demonstrate
this
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 wrong idea. On the one hand, it is imperative to recognise that losing a game or match is an inevitable part of life. There are a multitude of competitions beyond the sports field. If they were afraid of losing, they could not participate in any activities. Losing helps build character and emotional strength.
As a result
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, it creates motivation so that folks continue trying to become successful . An additional crucial aspect to highlight is to foster teamwork. By working together towards a common objective, young athletes learn the importance of collaboration and mutual support. To illustrate
this
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 point, I would like to mention football, which is a prevalent diversion in Vietnam.
This
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 physical game requires establishing a team with many individuals, which means that no one plays football alone.
Therefore
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, a few skills ,
such
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 as teamwork, resilience and time management, play a crucial role in personal development.
On the other hand
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, engaging in competitive athletics helps young individuals keep fit and have a healthier lifestyle, which emphasises that bodily activity can improve their well-being and strengthen their stamina. A noteworthy aspect to underscore that athletics help players be organised and disciplined
due to
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 the requirement to train and improve in adventure can
also
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 be applied to academic pursuits or future careers.
Furthermore
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, it expands their social networks and develops personal development. In conclusion, an analysis of different perspectives about the importance of amusement should not be underestimated.
This
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 examination prompts individuals they try to overcome their fear and engage in more physical activities positively.

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task response
State a clear view in the first paragraph and keep to that view in all ideas.
coherence
Use a strong topic sentence for each paragraph and make sure every sentence links to it.
coherence
Give more clear examples and explain how they support your point. One example is not enough.
grammar vocabulary
Fix grammar and word choice. Use simple, common words and short phrases.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, so, because.
structure
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
stance
Clear stance against the idea to ban sports.
structure
Use of signposts like On the one hand / On the other hand / In conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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