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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are parents’ reasons for doing this? Is this positive or negative development for the children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

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In today's world, many
parents
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 place immense
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to succeed for various reasons. From my perspective,
while
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 their intentions may be well-meaning,
this
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 phenomenon has significant negative consequences.
Firstly
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, one of the primary reasons behind
this
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 trend is the desire for a secure future. Many
parents
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 believe that academic and career success
are
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is
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 crucial for financial stability and a comfortable life.
As a result
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, they push their
children
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 to excel, hoping to shield them from future difficulties. Another key factor is social status and family reputation. In some cultures, a child's achievements are seen as a direct reflection of the family's standing in society. Attaining high academic or career success can bring prestige, enhancing the family's reputation.
Moreover
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, the increasing competitiveness of modern education and job markets compels
parents
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 to impose strict expectations, fearing their
children
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 may fall behind if they do not perform well.
However
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, excessive
pressure
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 from
parents
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 often leads to harmful consequences. Constant high expectations can create tension and conflict within the family, weakening the parent-child bond.
Furthermore
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,
this
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pressure
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 may contribute to both physical and mental health issues,
such
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 as chronic stress, headaches, and sleep disturbances, ultimately affecting
children
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's
overall
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 well-being. In extreme cases, prolonged stress can result in anxiety disorders or depression. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 may have good intentions in pushing their
children
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 to succeed, excessive
pressure
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 can negatively impact both their mental health and family relationships.
Therefore
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, I believe that
while
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 encouragement is important, a balanced approach to support and guidance is more beneficial than relentless expectations.

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task achievement
While you have clearly addressed the question, consider elaborating further on how the pressure affects children's future achievements, which would deepen your response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, but make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance overall flow. Consider using linking phrases.
task achievement
You’ve provided a balanced view with both reasons for parental pressure and its consequences, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are logically organized, making your argument easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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