IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Going overseas for university study is an exciting prospect for many people. But while it may offer some advantages, it is probably better to stay home because of the difficulties a student inevitably encounters living and studying in a different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

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These days, many
students
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 study abroad.
While
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 some believe that studying outside one’s
country
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 leads
students
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 to face various challenges,
such
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 as living and studying difficulties in a new nation, others argue that it is beneficial. In my opinion, completing your studies in a different
country
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 is valuable. One of the benefits of studying overseas is the ability to accept others that international
students
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 will gain.
In other words
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, these individuals will be able to discover new cultures through their interaction with people from other cultures, helping them develop their communication
skills
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.
In addition
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, that can contribute to broadening these people’s horizons by exposing them to new values and traditions.
For example
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, Chinese
students
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 usually do not have an interpersonal personality, but when they study abroad they gain these
skills
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as a result
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 of the different situations they face in a foreign
country
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. Another point to consider is developing
skills
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 to cope with various living conditions is another advantage of studying abroad. To illustrate,
this
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 is because some
students
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 have to live in a
country
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 that has a different system compared to their
country
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’s system,
such
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 as the legal, rental, or education system.
Therefore
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, their personality will improve gradually, becoming more independent financially and emotionally.
Consequently
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,
this
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 can help them explore themselves and understand their strengths and weaknesses. In conclusion, there are many benefits of studying abroad, including the development of one’s personality and
skills
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, and the ability to tackle different life situations.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe it is more beneficial than studying in one’s home
country
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.

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task achievement
The introduction can be enhanced by clearly stating your position on the statement at the end; this will more strongly indicate your perspective to the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or anecdotes to support your main points. For instance, providing a real-life scenario or referencing studies can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to improve engagement. Instead of using similar structures throughout the essay, consider incorporating complex sentences to add depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance favoring studying abroad, which is relevant to the task.
task achievement
The use of specific examples (like Chinese students) helps in illustrating your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your points well and emphasizes your opinion, providing closure to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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