IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children whoc are taught to cooperate rather than compete become useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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One of the widely
discusses
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discussed
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 issues nowadays is that
yound
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young
people
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 have abilities
competition
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. It is
undeniable
Change the word
undeniably
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 an
essentail
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essential
 part of
life
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, but there is no absolute agreement on a sense of
competition
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. Others consider that
cooperate
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cooperation
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 is better than
competiton
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competition
.
This
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 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the former. A commonly held belief
that
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is that
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children
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 have to motivate to
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competition
Replace the word
compete
show examples
 and it
enhance
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enhances
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 their skills.
as
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As
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 evidence, they point to the
competiton
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competition
enhance
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enhancing
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coinfident
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confident
confidence
 and hardy. Because
,
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apply
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compete
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competing
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 with
people
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give
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gives
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experience and to
be
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apply
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ready
to
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for
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life
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. Youngsters will not give up ever.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, it leads to profit
due to
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children
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compete
Wrong verb form
competing
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 with their
idol
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idols
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 and
want
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wanting
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 to be like
him
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them
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.
Competition
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 is beneficial for a child's
life
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. It could be explained by the fact that many
succesful
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successful
persons
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people
show examples
 provide that
competiton
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competition
 is the best way to
achievement
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achieve
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. It
occur
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occurs
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 a new aims for youth.
As a result
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, it leads to
expand
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expanding
show examples
 their opportunities to their target.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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people
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 claim that
cooperate
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cooperation
show examples
 is useful for
adult
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adults
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 control
over
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apply
show examples
children
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.
For example
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, they may mention that sometimes
children
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 face
issuues
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issues
 and cannot solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. cooperate with individuals assist them with challenging tasks. They share
with
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apply
show examples
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 that
children
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 absorb
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. It will be helpful in the future.
In addition
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, it
teach
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teaches
show examples
 them to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
be
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to be
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 shy and ask
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for aids
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aids
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aid
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. Communities with
people
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is
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are
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 necessary for
life
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. The
expplanation
Correct your spelling
explanation
 lies in the fact that many young
people
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 achieve and solve problems themselves, but it is useless. They are still
youth
Add an article
a youth
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 and are not capable
to
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of
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 tough tasks.
Therefore
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,
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 leads to
ehnance
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enhance
enhanced
 their skills with aid humans. In conclusion,
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 is more significant than
competition
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.
However
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, I believe that
competition
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 boosts their mental health and achieve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aims
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 advantageous for
life
Use synonyms

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Task Achievement
Your introduction gives an outline of the essay but can be clearer by rephrasing your thesis statement more effectively. Ensure you clearly state your opinion in a straightforward manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your main body paragraphs, some sentences lack clarity and contain grammatical errors, which makes it difficult to follow your argument. Focus on constructing clearer sentences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be aware of spelling and grammar errors, such as 'competiton,' 'cooperate,' and 'succesful.' Proofreading your work can help catch these mistakes and improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide relevant examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing benefits of cooperation, providing a specific example can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You introduce both views on competition and cooperation in the essay, which shows you've understood the task's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've made an effort to structure your essay into clear paragraphs, which is a good practice in academic writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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